AGENDA 1963

October 1963


03. October 1963 – Sri Aurobindo's letter on the Descent of Love

(Then Mother translates Sri Aurobindo's letter on the descent of Love, on which she has already commented on July 24, and she adds this comment:)

If divine Love were to descend first, before divine Truth, certain beings with a special power or receptivity might draw it into themselves, personally, and then all those wrong impulses might occur.1 But if this divine Love descends only in the Truth, in the Truth-Consciousness, it will enter someone only if that person is ready to receive it. Without a preparation of Truth, there might occur a very powerful attraction of elements unable to keep that Love in its purity; whereas if the preparation of Truth has been done, with that preparation, It will CHOOSE, in order to manifest, the persons, the individualities, who are ready.

05. October 1963 – "Bath"in the "Big Hotel"

Yesterday I had a very curious experience which left me with a bizarre feeling....

It was a construction — a huge construction. It resembled one of those huge hotels they build nowadays, with inner courtyards and all sorts of things. And I had my room right at the top. (It called to my mind an old experience I had had.... Do you remember that "big hotel"? It was somewhat like that.) And everyone there was APPARENTLY full of respect, of obedience, of thoughtfulness... but everyone was going his own sweet way — that's nothing new. At first, I was downstairs (my room was way upstairs, I don't know how many floors there were), and there I met some people, people whom I know. But each and every detail was so revealing, it was marvelous! And it was time for me to have my bath (I don't know what time it was!), so I wanted to go back upstairs to do so, but I needed someone to prepare the bath (it's symbolic; I don't know yet, I haven't yet understood the symbol of that "bath," because it occurs very often; but there may be some meaning hidden in that symbol). But then one person was too old (someone who had offered to prepare the bath, but he was too old), another wasn't strong enough, another… — to be able to prepare the bath required VERY special qualities. It isn't the first time; it has happened two or three times before: to be able to prepare that bath took absolutely exceptional qualities of courage, strength, physical power, endurance. And the people downstairs... (gesture expressing incapacity). So I said to myself, "All right, I'll go upstairs and see what happens."

On the way, the same thing happened again: I went the usual way — plop! cut off, nothing left, I can't get through; I come back, start another way — plop! cut off, I can't get through. Yet I kept going up (how, I don't know). Then I reached a sort of square terrace-balcony, perfectly square, and ALL its doors were closed. There was no way of going farther: all the doors were closed. Then I see water rising, rising, rising in the ENTIRE building, except the places where the doors were closed. Downstairs... (I don't know, I was very high up, maybe on the fourth or fifth floor) the doors were closed, so naturally water could not get in. All the courtyards (large, immense courtyards) were turned into swimming pools. What water!... I kept watching it, admiring it; I said to myself, "What wonderful water!" So clear, so clear, clearer than any I ever saw. Water that was... I can't say, it was transparent like... like purity itself, it was marvelous. It was rising and rising and rising.... I saw in one of the courtyards on my left (a very large courtyard: it had become an immense swimming pool!), I saw a person in a bathing suit come out of the water, as if he had taken his bath in it, and wrap himself up (a very tall person, very tall, who was neither a man nor a woman), he wrapped himself up in a bathrobe, then walked away on the water (!) I was watching this till suddenly I realized that the water was beginning to reach my feet. Then I KNEW: "Ah, yes! They've decided to do this." I was a little upset: "They really could have told me they were going to do this!" I thought. "It's something they must do regularly.... Did they inform some people?" (All this in my head, of course.)

And I kept admiring that water, thinking, "But it's purity itself!" It was reaching my feet, yet I wasn't getting wet. Then I remarked, "If I stay here..." (Because I was standing with my back against closed doors and the building extended beyond them, but in front of me there was nothing, so normally the water should have flowed out that way — how is it then that it didn't? I don't know—the whole thing was quite "marvelous"!) And it was rising and rising and rising, until it reached my ankles and suddenly triggered something within me—I woke up.

I was at least ten minutes later than my usual time.

I didn't have any sense of danger — not at all. Only that slight feeling of being upset: "They ought to inform people before doing things of that sort!" And "they" were the supreme heads of the organization (there was nothing religious or spiritual about it: it was very concrete, in Matter). But that water... I kept admiring it, thinking, "Oh, they have control over that water!" It was like liquid diamond. It was a marvel, as if everything it touched were purified. And that being who came out of the huge swimming pool (it wasn't a human being: it looked like a vital being who was neither a man nor a woman) came out in a kind of bathing suit, wrapped himself up and disappeared. But otherwise ALL the doors were closed, there wasn't a soul — only me on my square, with the square around me and my back against a closed door, watching the whole scene from a great height. And everything was filling up with that substance — it looked like water, but it wasn't water.

The impression lingered, as if there were something I had to understand.

And I just felt a slight disappointment: "They really could have told me." And together with it, a smile that understood it was better that way.

"They really ought to inform people...."

I thought it was something in the vital, because all my relationships with the people downstairs, before going back upstairs, were with their character, their vital — not with material matter but with the character, vital nature. And it was...! You could write books: an irony, a sharp perception, fine, delicate — priceless! It's charming, you know: each one with his own little flaw — they were all people I know!

But there are some beings that have been in two or three persons: for example, a vital being that went from one person to another (a being I know very well, so I know it happened that way), and what I saw was the BEING, not the different persons. A vital, female-looking being (they take on a sexual appearance when they have been in human beings: they retain the female or male appearance), a female-looking being, and just when the question of preparing my bath arose (always that "bath"... I'll have to find out what it means), she had something very urgent to do, went into her room, then (laughing) came out again a minute later with a dress... a sort of green dress — grass green but bright — with an immense train! And she walked past so proudly: "Yes, I wanted to show them who I am." What an admirable comedy! If I had the time to write, it could make utterly charming stories.

But I'll have to find out what that bath is which comes repeatedly.

One person was so anxious (I know who it is, I know him very well), so anxious to prepare the bath, but he didn't have the strength, he couldn't do it: "Oh, how I would like to prepare the bath!" So I looked at him, I didn't want to say no; but I thought, "It's not possible, he can't, he doesn't have the strength."

(silence)

I kept going up, but all the ways I knew stopped short. First I had started up a very large staircase, a magnificent staircase of pink marble, that was the way I had to go upstairs, but just as I turned on the landing — plop! impossible to get through. (But how is it...? Impossible to get through, yet I went up just the same?..) And I find myself on another landing, I try again to go up from there — plop! stopped, impossible to get through. I try again and find myself on the third landing (but in fact I was on a higher floor, because I had already climbed two flights before I was stopped), I reach the third landing and find myself on a square — a perfect square — edged with a parapet of pink marble, but with reddish veins, very beautiful: very beautiful, it was chiseled — magnificent. Then a door, a sort of bronze door behind me, which was closed. So I watched and saw the water rising and rising (it wasn't water, but it was liquid like water). And in front of me: an immensity. No limits. I seemed to be above all the other houses; there were no trees, no mountains, nothing — an immensity, like a perfectly cloudless sky; and it wasn't white, but there was light in it. I was looking down and I saw the water rising and rising and rising — like the Flood. But it wasn't water.

It will come back until I understand.

But in that consciousness, there aren't any "catastrophes," so I can't be sure.

There was only that: "Why?... They could have informed people just the same!" But it was "they" in the plural: "They should have." They were the "all-powerful masters" or the "supreme masters." But there was nothing religious in the feeling, nothing spiritual either.

It was what corresponds to the "owners" — they were the owners, in the sense that they had built everything and everything belonged to them — built and organized everything. Maybe they are gods?

I had no consideration for them (I don't know how to explain this), not only no respect, but no consideration: they were just owners. Only, I lived at the very top of the house. And in that house, everyone obeyed me ("obeyed," well, in appearance). They were the owners or the management. But they weren't responsible to me, they didn't take orders from me; they didn't need to ask me before doing something — nor was I responsible to them. But I didn't have the feeling of being any more at home there than anywhere else; yet I had undeniably my room there, at the very top of the house.

Maybe they were gods?

But then, that water rising and rising and rising??...

And everything was very well organized, because all the doors were closed and the water didn't enter where it wasn't supposed to — I saw no one drowned, no one in danger. There was no danger for anyone. And there was only one being, a vital being (he wasn't like the others I had seen downstairs). He had had great fun in that water! And he was leaving.

I remember that when the water touched my feet, it was... (how can I explain?) it wasn't a sensation, I had no sensations, but around my feet it was like sparkling diamonds. Obviously I didn't intend to be fully immersed in it. And when I felt the water around my feet, I had an odd sensation (a perception, not a sensation), not the sensation of being wet, but clearly like: "I shouldn't stay here." And I woke up very abruptly.

(silence)

Before the water reached my feet, while I was watching it rising and rising, I thought, "Still, they really could have told me" (no, it wasn't "me," it was "they really could have ANNOUNCED the thing"). And at the same time I felt: "Why, but it's something they do regularly (recurring gesture), they do it regularly, but they should really inform people." But not strongly, simply like something passing [in Mother's thought].

Not for a second the sense of a danger, not at all. Not for a second.

I don't know...

(silence)

It has a meaning. Something will come back to give me the explanation.

Invulnerable... maybe that's it.

I always have to take my bath: I have to take a bath and no one is able to prepare it for me.

I have a bathroom.

I always go to take my bath, but someone has to prepare it. And either they aren't strong enough, or they think of other things, or they don't care about it, or... And once (I told you this), I opened the door and found someone trying to take a bath, but I arrived just in time.

We'll see.

16. October 1963 – Mother's strangling with Richard

I think I told you already that when I returned here from Japan, there were difficulties: once, I was in danger and I called Sri Aurobindo; he appeared, and the danger went away — he appeared, meaning, he came, something from him came, an EMANATION of him came, living, absolutely concrete. The next day (or rather later the same day), I told him my experience and how I saw him; that worried him (it was an unceasing danger, you see), and he very strongly thought that he should concentrate on me to protect me. And the next day, I saw him — but it was an image, a mental formation! I told him, "Yes, you came in a mental formation, it wasn't the same thing." Then he told me that this capacity of discernment is an extremely rare thing. But I always had it, even when I was small. It's a sensitiveness in the perception. And indeed I believe that very few people can sense the difference. So with X, my first impression was, "My goodness, to do this to me!... Well, really, I have some experience of the world, I can't be so easily made to believe that the moon is made of green cheese!"

16. October 1963 – All the complications we create

There is really now a struggle against all that terrestrial formation... against, yes, the ignorance and unconsciousness of the earth's primal thought.

It's still there; even in those who have developed their higher mind, who are able to emerge from that darkness and ignorance, it's still there — it's still there in a sort of mental or vital subconscient. And it's so dark! Thoroughly stupid, you know: it can be given hundreds and thousands of proofs, it remains unaffected — a kind of incapacity to understand. And then it constantly rises to the surface, and I am constantly obliged (gesture of offering to the Heights) to "present" it: "This is still there, that is still there, that..." And I see very well that the distinction between what goes on in this body and its atmosphere, and what goes on in all other bodies is... I don't know if the distinction still exists, but it's imperceptible. And the consciousness is aware of all those movements as if they were personal to the physical person. But the physical person (Mother touches her body) isn't just this body — I am not yet sure whether the physical person isn't the whole earth (for certain things, it is the whole earth), or whether the physical person is the entirety of all the bodies of the people I am in contact with.... During the last hours of the night, that is, between 2 and 4, I see precise forms; but those precise forms are themselves representative, meaning there are TYPES and those types take on the image of someone I am in contact with or was in personal contact with. But to me they are types: "Oh, it's such and such a type" — but that can be thousands of people. And the action (it's always for an action), the action on the person-type has repercussions on all that he represents.

And that's a labor which seems... infinite — endless, at any rate.

It does have consequences.

You see, what I do is this: the thing comes, it's taken up, presented (gesture to the Heights) as though it were mine: "But look, see how I am..." (but it's the "I" — the great I), it's presented to the Lord, very humbly, with the sense and feeling of complete helplessness — I simply say, "Here, change it." The feeling that only He can do it, that everything that people have tried everywhere appears childish — everything appears to be childish. The most sublime intelligence seems to me childish. All the attempts that are made to enlighten, organize, educate mankind, to awaken it to a higher consciousness, to give it mastery over Nature and its forces, all of it — all of it, which for a human vision is sometimes utterly sublime, seems absolutely like children playing and having fun in a nursery. And children who love dangerous games, who believe TERRIBLY in what they do (as do children, naturally). I have never met more serious and stern a justice than the justice children have in their games. They really take life seriously. Well, that's exactly the impression it makes on me: the impression of a mankind in infancy which takes what it does with ferocious seriousness. And which will never get out of it — it will never get out of it, it lacks the little something (which may be really nothing at all), a very little something thanks to which... ah, everything becomes clear and organized — all that comes from mankind always BORDERS on Truth.

So the only thing I can do is this (gesture of presenting): "Look, Lord, see how ignorant and powerless we are, how utterly stupid we are — it's up to You to change it." How do you change it? You can't even imagine the change, you can't even do that. So all my time (same gesture) — not from time to time: constantly, day and night, without letup, day and night without letup. If for an interval of one or two minutes this isn't done, there is something that catches up: "Oh, all that time wasted!" And if I take a close look at what happened, then I see; I see that for these few minutes, I was blissful in the Lord, letting myself live blissfully in the Lord; so I no longer presented things to Him — it happens two or three times a day. A relaxation, you know, you let yourself flow blissfully in the Lord. And it's so natural and spontaneous that I don't even notice it; I notice it when I resume my attitude... (same gesture to the Heights) of transferring everything to the Lord every minute.

(silence)

And always that question of age... In everybody, everybody, without even their noticing it, there is always in the background (for the slightest thing, at the slightest opportunity), always the idea of old age, of going downhill, of decrepitude. And it comes a thousand times a day! (Mother laughs) So here too, I say to the Lord, "Listen, am I really going downhill?" Then He shows me one or two things... in a dazzling light. It happens to me off and on — not often — when the "avalanche" has been considerable enough; then there is a bedazzlement of Light and Power, sometimes of such a formidable Power that you get the feeling that if you were to wield it... what would happen? For instance, if I simply come into contact with a malicious ill will (that's rare), an urge or a desire to harm, I do this (Mother pinches the vibration between her fingers), I do this (but it corresponds to an inner action: it's a Power that acts together with a white Light, absolutely white, you know, intolerant of anything but the perfectly white), and almost instantly, in the person in whom the movement of ill will resulted in a partial possession of the vital: an attack of nerves or (what do they call it?) a vital collapse or a nervous collapse, very tangible. So naturally, you curb all movements and you watch it all, perfectly quiet, with the eternal Smile. But it's as if to show me: here — here is the potentiality (!) Only there is no Order to wield it, except now and then "just to see."

(silence)

Listen, the night before, in the middle of the night, someone came to me (someone who was dark blue, which means a mental formation) with a plan of action, and told me, "It's all arranged: on such and such a day and at such and such a time" (it was meant for next year), "you will have this work to do, you will have to come downstairs, and here is how everything will be arranged for you to come down — this, that, that...." And I played the game very well, I answered, "Oh, no! That won't do, you have to arrange it this way and that way...." Then when it was all over, something suddenly made me go within (gesture of return inward), I looked at the whole thing, saw the person, saw the plan, saw everything (I was in the midst of an action), and said, "Yes, all this is very well, but you see, the snag is that I am not going downstairs!" And at one stroke, frrt! Gone — it was a construction, as if there were an entire organization, even a governmental one (!), to make me come downstairs. And when I woke up (that is, in the morning when I came out of my activity of the night), I thought, "Could it be what showed itself" (it was a mental formation — from whom, from where? I didn't bother about that), "could it be what showed itself to X and made him declare with the authority of a clairvoyant: 'Mother will come downstairs next year'?" I found it very amusing.

Things are increasingly AS THEY ARE: exact, without complications. I have noticed that with people, even the most sincere and straightforward, there is always a kind of coating, an emotive coating (even with the coldest and driest), something that belongs to the vital; an emotive coating that makes things fuzzy, uncertain and allows a game that gives them a feeling of all sorts of "mysterious forces" at play — things are very clear, very simple, very, oh, very simple, and that coating brings along a sort of confusion. It's not sentiment, not emotion either, it's something... something that LOVES uncertainty, the unknown, the unexpected — not positively chance (it's not so strong), but which loves to live in that, in... in fact, in Ignorance! Which loves not to know what's going to happen. Even the simplest things, the most obvious, have all that coating over them.

Look, for instance, how many people, even the most serious, love to have their fortune told: reading the hand, reading the handwriting (I am pestered with people who ask me things like that), but anyway, even regardless of any spiritual idea, that sort of interest people find in being told, "See, your life line will last up to here...." People love it! They love it, they love to remain in their uncertainty. They love their ignorance. They love that unknown — the unknown "full of mysteries." They love the prophet who comes and tell them, "This is what you will do.... This is what is going to happen to you...." It seems so childish! It's the same as the taste for theater, it's the same thing (not the playwright, but the spectator who watches the play without knowing how it will end), or again the taste for novels — the taste for the "unknown." But then that's very close to the taste for the marvelous.

There is still a long way to go to enter Knowledge — the consciousness in which you know things quietly, in which everything is so simple, so natural, so evident. And it's that coating which brings complications: suddenly things get complicated in the human atmosphere.

I think animals (not those which live with men), animals (there aren't many left nowadays, they have all been contaminated by man!), the "natural" animals — animals in their natural state — have a very simple life. Everything is quite evident, quite simple, quite natural — we're the ones who make complications.

19. October 1963 – Tamasic stupidity; plenty of tamas

The big difficulty is that tamasic stupidity. Yesterday, in this connection, I had the experience of a young couple who came to see me. (It has become a custom nowadays that young people who are going to marry and whose families I know, or who live here, come to receive my blessings before marrying! That's the new fashion.) So they came. The girl was educated here and the boy stayed here for quite a long time, working here; anyway, they want to marry. The boy went searching for a job; he had trust [in Mother] and found one. He is — I can't say conscious because it isn't like consciousness, I would call it rather superstition (!) but it's a superstition on the right target! The movement is ignorant, but well directed, so it works; not that he has an enlightened faith, but he has faith. All right. Things are fine and he does very well. So they came yesterday to receive my blessings. Then they went. And they left behind in the room... a vital formation, very bubbly, absolutely ignorant, very bubbly with a joie de vivre, a joie de vivre so blissfully ignorant of all possible difficulties, all possible miseries, and not only for oneself but for everyone! You know, that joie de vivre that says, "Oh, it doesn't matter to me if we are born and die — life is short, well, let it be good, that's enough." No mental curiosity, no urge to know the why of the world — all that is nonsense, we needn't bother about it! Let's be happy, have some fun, and do as well as we can. That's all.... That formation was so strong, you know, in the room that I saw it and had to find a place for it. It put me in contact with a whole domain of the earth, of mankind, and I had to put it in its proper place, put it in order and organize it. It took me a little time (long enough, maybe three quarters of an hour or an hour), I had to order and organize everything. Then I saw how widespread it is on earth. (Note that these young people belong to the "top" of society, they are regarded as very intelligent, they are very well educated, in a word, it's about the best you can find in mankind! Not the dregs, far from it.) And I wondered if it isn't even more widespread in Western countries than here — I think it is. At that moment I came into contact with everywhere, and, well, the "everywhere" was really quite extensive.

Afterwards, I asked myself, "But what the devil can be done with all this?..." Disturb these people? They are quite incapable of getting out of their condition in this life and will probably need many, many, many lives to awaken to the NEED TO KNOW — as long as they can move about, you know (laughing), as long as they can move about and things aren't too painful, they're quite contented! And then, in addition, there is, all the way down, that whole inert mass, you know, of men who are very close to the animal — what can be done with that? If that too has to be ready, it seems to me impossible.... Because that young couple, according to human opinion, are very fine people!

So how many... HOW MANY consciousnesses must there be, what quantity, if we may say (intensity, there is: off and on it shines like stars), what is the mass of consciousnesses necessary to enable this new world to come down on earth?... Otherwise, what would happen to it? It would be swallowed up. Like in '60, when I saw the supramental forces descend (mon petit, what a sight it was! They were descending, it was stupendous, marvelous; they were like torrents, you felt as though they were going to inundate everything), and then, from below, there rose up great, dark blue masses like this, and they went vroof! (gesture of engulfing) And everything was swallowed up.

So it would be the same thing PHYSICALLY, you understand.

(silence)

So, yesterday, there was first the visit of those young people, then that question of money, and then that manifestation [of Power], which comes from time to time. Afterwards, I asked myself, "How is it..? How is it that I was that way?" It lasts for a time, I do a certain thing, then it disappears completely. And I feel surprised, you know, surprised. The first times it happened, something in the body was having some difficulty holding it [the Power]; now, nothing whatsoever, the body doesn't feel anything, it's grown accustomed to it. Perhaps that's what is being done: the body is being accustomed. But if that Power were there all the time, good grief! People would have to behave themselves, because...

So I was looking at it and thinking, "How come?" I was neither angry nor upset nor anything at all — within, there was always that same Love, unchanging, always, always there, for everything; even when I perceive things with a kind of discernment (not even an intuitive one, a discernment higher than intuitive, which is like a clear vision — clear, precise, in the white Light), the discernment of all the stupidity, all the ill will, all the crookedness — a very clear discernment — it is always with a Smile, there is always that same Vibration of an eternal Love. Then that Power comes — it doesn't disturb anything, it doesn't take the place of anything: it's an addition. It's an action: it does its action and then goes away. But while it's there... you know, the Force that made me bang my fist on the table could have smashed everything. But of course, a poor little hand, a poor little arm, could only shake the table!... (Mother laughs) It could only make a lot of noise and shake the table. But the perception was tremendous.

That was the last time, but not the first.

Certain times, I don't budge; at times it comes when I am alone, so naturally I don't say a word and don't budge, but after a while, there comes a kind of... (what can I call it?) I wonder, "What's going to happen?..." It's not an anxiety but something that observes and asks, "But is it really possible to let this... let this manifest?" And it always comes in connection with a circumstance, an action, a movement (sometimes — very rarely — an idea in someone, but that's rare), and it comes almost as a NECESSITY: "This must be struck down" (gesture of bringing down a sword of light). And what a mighty striking-force!... Out of all proportion with earthly things. Then away it goes — I don't pull it down nor do I send it back: I witness the thing, and the body is used, nothing else. And then it's gone.

There is a constant aspiration in the body for everything that can perfect it — perfect the instrument, I mean — and there is very, very little asking for Power. When Sri Aurobindo was here, there was a clear awareness of the necessity of Power, and several times I said, "It is the supramental Power that will manifest first." Because, without Power, it will be impossible: the mass of opposition in the world is sufficient to swallow up everything, just as the Light was swallowed up in '60 — the supramental Light and Consciousness were swallowed up; it will be the same thing. But afterwards, when I had to do the whole task, I no longer insisted on this point Power, there wasn't the sense of this necessity any more but rather the feeling of a WHOLE that has to progress together and manifest together. A kind of perfection of the Whole.

But it's coming.

But, for example, when we used to have those gatherings for the pujas and Durga used to come (when Sri Aurobindo was here and for some time afterwards), when she manifested, there was a great power that came along with her — but that's nothing! Nothing compared to That. Durga's power... yes, it's like milk and water in comparison.

And there is absolutely nothing vital about it — now I find vital power quite crude, almost repugnant. There's nothing vital about it: it's something from on high. It always comes with a golden Vibration, very strong, and so massive!...

But it comes only when the situation is extremely tense; which might explain that it is probably necessary to shake up all that Matter a bit, and that it can come only when all the other means won't do any more.

You know, at those times, I feel such a force in me, even a physical strength, greater than I have ever felt in my life, even when I was young and strong enough, and it makes me feel that people's physical strength... is nothing! The first time it came after my illness (I wasn't on my guard), it did so for no apparent reason (possibly as a test) and there was this instrument on my table (Mother points to a penholder mounted on a steel pivot). So the Force came, and for some reason or other I wanted to push this thing down. I put my hand on it without any effort, any force (but the Force was there, it was in my arm): snapped off! (It isn't easy to break.) Snapped clean off! Without the shadow of an effort. The doctor was here, he asked me "Why?" I told him, "Oh, I didn't do it deliberately, a force took hold of my arm and went snap!" And I did it consciously; I saw, I saw the Force, saw a sort of golden bolt of lightning, very strong, that came and — snap! I didn't make the slightest effort. The doctor was upset! (He is a man with a sattvic nature.) He told me, That is stupid, it breaks your things — I'll get others!

That was the first time. Afterwards, I was on my guard.

When Sri Aurobindo was here, there was a boy who was quite uncontrollable: he had fits of anger which he couldn't control (not that it occurred to him to control them!). He was an engineer and a very intelligent boy (but that makes no difference), and once, while Sri Aurobindo was in my room, this boy came up the stairs and had me called. I went out to see him. Then he flew into a great rage, began shouting and in his rage tried to rush at me. Well, I simply put my two hands on his shoulders, without an effort, like that — he went tumbling down the stairs. Quite simply, I stopped him from coming near by touching his shoulders.... But that was clearly Kali. Sri Aurobindo came and I told him what had happened. (The boy had got back to his feet and was climbing the stairs again; when he saw Sri Aurobindo, he scampered off!... He never did it again, of course.) But that was clearly Kali: when Kali wants to, she can be very strong, but that still belongs to the realm of terrestrial things. She is very strong: I simply stopped the boy from coming near, I put my hands on his shoulders, he lost his balance and fell all the way down the stairs, he rolled right down the stairs. So I thought it was Sri Aurobindo who had made Kali intervene (he had heard that demented boy shout, you see).

It's not the same thing. Long ago, when Sri Aurobindo was here, Kali used to come from time to time — but it still belongs to this world, it's not the same thing [as the supramental Power].

Another time, a fellow (there are some demented characters of that kind) had come from Australia: he was a teacher and had been given classes in the School. He started to preach unbelievable things — he was God incarnate, you see! Until the day it began to be a pain in the neck. And he had declared he would stay here forever.... People were annoyed, everyone was annoyed, they didn't know what to do. I was in my room here (it was three years ago, maybe four). I remember: I was sitting on my bed (at the time I used to work on my bed, over there), and I received a letter in which I was told... in short, that it had become impossible, intolerable, that he could not be kept here. So I concentrated for a minute and Kali arrived — Kali in her battling mood, a black, dancing Kali. I told her, "Why don't you go on his head?" (Laughing) She went and did her dance on his head — the next day, he wrote he was leaving the Ashram. In this case, it was very clear: the day before, he had declared that he wouldn't budge, that he intended to stay here and continue his lessons, and that we would have to send him away forcibly for him to go (they had told me all this quite tearfully). Kali's dance convinced him he had better go!

But all that, you see, it's the play of the world. What is going on now is something else, altogether something else.

It comes, it acts, it goes. And it doesn't give any advance notice of its coming!

At such moments, the body feels very vast — vast, limitless, very vast, as though it were TOUCHING all Matter; there is a conscious contact with all Matter. And banging my fist as I did yesterday is quite symbolic, nothing but symbolic: it wasn't a table, my fist banged on the earth! "Earth, if you are not ready, well, you will be left to fend for yourself; we'll go away and come back when you're ready."

So it appears to be a necessity to shake up a tamas somewhere — there is plenty of TAMAS, plenty.

You understand, I don't feel any haste — I love stones, flowers, plants, animals so much, they're all so wonderful! It begins to be less pleasant beyond... the most unpleasant is human perversion — perversion of cruelty, of wickedness, of hardness. You have to rise higher to be able to accept it, to be unaffected by it.

But that thing I saw yesterday, that bubbly formation of joie de vivre, I saw clearly that it's one of the greatest obstacles — one of the greatest obstacles: a vital joy that knows only itself, that knows nothing other than its own vital joy and is PERFECTLY content. I saw it was a great obstacle, because... it already contained a sort of reflection of the True Thing. And then, you can only laugh, but there are stern people who say, "You'll see when you get sick, you'll see when you get old...." (All that came because there was a whole work, which represents a whole great drama on the earth's scale, there was this and that and that....) What for? Why be stern? Let them be happy, they represent... why, it's like foam on fresh beer!

26. October 1963 – Pondicherry hit by a cyclone

First it came from one direction, then a dead calm — it's always that way. You know how cyclones work? It's something that rotates, and at the center there's a dead calm; all around is a whirlwind, and it rotates as it advances. So the first part (what might be called the front of the cyclone) arrives from one direction, then it goes on rotating, and the second part comes from the opposite direction. We have an American rear admiral here who knows those things very well — all seafaring people know them — he had seen the cyclone from a distance on the sea and warned us. But it's always that way, I had noticed it. The first wave arrived from the north, but as we were forewarned, everything had been closed. Then the wind died down completely, but the southern windows had been left open. And the second wave came from the other direction (it came around evening, a little before 7, I don't remember; anyway, I was sitting at the table here). And I saw... I saw that whirlwind coming, and inside it there were formations: like heaped masses, some gray-black, others reddish-brown. And I watched it all; I saw them from a distance, there were lots of them: big formations, about as big as houses. They came in heaped masses, with kinds of formations WITHIN the whirlwind. So I was here, just beginning to have my dinner, when a reddish-brown formation went over, like this, right from here towards your house (Mother sweeps across the room from south to north), and it struck me. Mon petit, howling pains! And then a horrible discomfort. So naturally, my usual remedy: I stayed still and offered it all to the Lord. The formation went past, didn't stop (it went past, struck and went away), and left behind it (afterwards the pains were dull, they could be controlled) a kind of very peculiar sense of discomfort... a sort of wickedness, like big sharp claws raking one's stomach. So I was expecting something for you — others too fell sick who were in the path of the formation. But there must have been quite a number of cases, because I saw many formations — that one did strike, you see. I saw it arrive as swiftly as the cyclone, strike, and then go on. So when I was told that you had a fever, instantly I thought, "That's it."

But I stopped the immediate effect (the immediate effect was... almost catastrophic), I stopped it with my great method: that sort of inner immobility, and leaving everything in the Lord's hands. Nevertheless, the next day, I was unwell (I'm not quite well yet), as though the body had been terribly shaken.

Then I saw all kinds of things — oh, bah! bah!... An adverse organization in the most material vital to mislead unenlightened spiritual aspirations: I encountered that last night. There was a kind of preacher teaching how to do things, and for each thing I had to contradict and explain — because he had quite an audience: he has that audience at night, and when people wake up, they aren't conscious of it, and it influences them. It results in a kind of possession. It was (oh, I see that gentleman often), it's a tall, black being — he is black, jet black — but he passes himself off as a great Initiate! People don't see him as he is (they must see him in a very attractive guise), and he preaches the very things that foster disintegration. He teaches you in detail how to do — a very good teacher of mischief. But I argued with him about everything, explained everything in detail, very carefully, very conscientiously, and when it was over, I offered it all to the Lord — so I don't know what happened to him!

One should learn to do that. If one does it with one's head, it's useless; what's effective is when you are able to summon that sort of eternal immobility... then, the effect is immediate. But generally, people know how to do it for others but not for themselves, because for themselves, they go on vibrating — when it hurts a lot, it's difficult to stop that vibrating. But it CAN be done; even when the pain is absolutely acute, almost unbearable (normally one would start screaming), one CAN, one can do it and summon that silent immobility to the painful spot — immobility of eternity. Very, very quickly, within a few seconds, the intensity disappears; there remains only a memory, which one should take care not to reawaken by thinking about it, but which lingers as a memory in the body, as when you've given yourself a good knock, a sound blow, and the acute pain has gone, but the mark stays. It stays a more or less long time. If one made the effort to stay very, very quiet, immobile, without doing anything, thinking anything, wanting anything, for a long enough time, I think there would be very little effect.

So much so that, for example, one KNOWS one has a violent fever (the thing comes with a violent fever, a violent reaction), yet there is no sign of fever! I had the experience three or four times; I had those things that bring on bouts of violent fever, and when the doctor came, I asked him, "Doctor, do I have a fever?" (I knew very well I had a fever, I didn't need to ask him! One of those fevers that make you run a very high temperature; but then there was that immobility I had summoned.) The doctor feels my pulse: "No, you're fine!"

Of course, one can imitate this mentally, but it's only an imitation. What I mean is something else, which has nothing to do with mental will — (laughing) maybe it's a gift from the Lord, I don't know!