AGENDA 1965

March 1965


03. March 1965 – On Aphorism 109

109 — All things seem hard to man that are above his attained level and they are hard to his unaided effort; but they become at once easy and simple when God in man takes up the contract.

It's perfect. There is nothing to say.

Just two or three days ago I wrote something in reply to a question, and I said something like this: Sri Aurobindo is the Lord, but only a part of the Lord, not the Lord in His totality because the Lord is All — all that is manifested and all that is not manifested. Then I wrote: There is nothing that isn't the Lord, nothing — there is nothing that isn't the Lord, but those who are CONSCIOUS of the Lord are very rare. And this unconsciousness of the creation is what constitutes its Falsehood.

It was so obvious suddenly: "This is it! This is it!..." How did Falsehood come about? — Just like this: it is the creation's unconsciousness that constitutes the Falsehood of the creation. And as soon as the creation becomes conscious again of BEING the Lord, Falsehood will cease.

And that's how it is indeed: everything is difficult, everything is laborious, everything is hard going, everything is painful, because everything is done outside the Lord's consciousness. But when He takes possession of His domain again (or rather when we let Him take possession of His domain again) and things are done in His consciousness, with His consciousness, everything will become not only easy but marvelous, glorious — and inexpressibly joyful.

It came as something obvious. People ask, "What is it that is called Falsehood? Why is the creation made of Falsehood?" — It isn't an illusion in the sense of being nonexistent: it's quite existent, but... it's not conscious of what it is! Not only unconscious of its origin but unconscious of its essence, of its truth. It isn't conscious of its truth. And that's why it lives in Falsehood.

This aphorism is magnificent. There is nothing to say, of course, it says everything.

06. March 1965 – No dogmas and no founding a religion!

"We have faith in Sri Aurobindo, he represents for us something that we formulate for ourselves with the words we find the most adequate to express our experience. For us those words are obviously the best to formulate our experience. But if in our enthusiasm we were convinced that they are the only ones suitable to express correctly what Sri Aurobindo is and the experience he gave us, we would become dogmatic and would be on the verge of founding a religion."

Soon afterwards:

I have found some quotations from Sri Aurobindo... marvelous!

Yesterday, I wrote something to someone else (it was in English). There was first a quotation from Sri Aurobindo:

"The Power that governs the world is at least as wise as you... and you need not be consulted for its organization, God looks to it."

Something like that. Then, below, I put my message of February 21: Above all the complications of the so-called human wisdom stands the luminous simplicity of the Divine's Grace, ready to act if we allow It to do so. And on the other page I wrote this in English (Mother looks for a note):

"In conscious communion with the Supreme Lord, I declare that I do what the Lord wants me to do so as to serve on earth His Truth and His Love."

He had deplored (laughing) some accusations of mine against people, especially against the Catholic religion (although he isn't a Catholic at all — he is a staunch Hindu), he thought it wasn't wise from a legal standpoint and that I risked running into trouble (!) So I told him privately, "You know, the whole world's opinion of me, everyone's opinion is like zero, I couldn't care less." Then he gaped in horror! And I told him, "Here, now you will meditate on this in all humility," and I gave him what you've just read.

But I don't want it to get around. It came strongly on that occasion, like a necessity, I had to say that, but the time hasn't come yet to declare it publicly.

10. March 1965 – Kali’s work; Mother’s vision

Behind all the destructions — the big destructions of Nature — earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, cyclones, floods, etc., or the human destructions — wars, revolutions, riots — there is always Kali's power and upon earth Kali works for the hastening of the terrestrial progress.

Whatever is Divine not only in its essence but also in its realisation is above these destructions and cannot be touched by them.

In all cases the extent of the damage gives the measure of the imperfection and must be taken as a lesson for indispensable progress.

Now I would say many things....

For instance, when the Lord draws nearest to men to establish a conscious relationship with them, it is then that, in their folly, men do the most foolish things.

It's true, absolutely true.

It is when everything falls silent in order for man to become conscious of his Origin that, in his folly, to keep himself amused, man conceives or carries out the most stupid things.

A little later:

Sri Aurobindo and I were in an extremely comfortable car, and we were both resting in an eternity of peace and bliss — quietly, next to each other. The car was driven by... the eternal Driver. It was supreme Bliss, you know. Until suddenly, outside the car (I don't know how), two papers were thrown on the road, and one of the papers was a letter (it was an envelope that had come by mail, there were stamps on it), and the other was something written; and with a lightness (the car was still moving), quite a divine lightness, Sri Aurobindo leaps out of the car onto the road to pick up the letters. I said to myself, "Ah, the Bliss is over... (laughing) now we'll have to get back to work!" And I also got out of the car (which disappeared).

Sri Aurobindo picked up those letters (at that moment I knew exactly what they meant, but it's secondary), then he took me by the hand (that is, his right hand took my left hand: I was on his right), and we started walking on the road. And while we were walking on the road, after a time (there were many details and things I am not telling because they are incidental, they had their meaning at the time but they don't matter), while we were walking on the road, he suddenly leaned over towards me and showed me that I was walking on flint. (You know, when the road is made of chips of stones and slightly cambered to make water flow away? On the side some earth has been washed away and sometimes the stones are bared.) And I was walking on those stones — no, he was walking on them and he showed them to me, so I had him walk in the middle of the road and I started walking on the stones so he wouldn't walk on them (but I didn't feel the stones at all). And then I noticed (I looked at him at that moment), I noticed Sri Aurobindo's head... a glorified head, truly a supramental head, a marvel! And his whole body, EVERY PART OF HIS BODY was someone in whom he was manifesting for a particular work or reason, or a particular action in relation to me; and as for me, I wasn't a person, I was only a Force (I noticed that I didn't have a body). And I saw all those who were participating (not their physical appearance, but I knew who they were): for this one, such and such a thing; for that one, such and such a thing; the hand, such and such a thing; the arm, such and such a thing... and so on. And I saw his feet: they were my feet with "tabis" on; they were my feet, my feet with tabis on. And it was my feet with tabis on that didn't want to let him walk on the stones, on the side of the road, and that was why he left it....

It was wonderfully clear and meaningful! And I saw, I knew exactly someone's place in the Work; and in that Work, in that relationship with me, he was supported, directed by Sri Aurobindo.... The whole thing in detail.

It was a revelation with an absolutely wonderful exactness. And that concern he had.... First, the feeling that I WAS his feet (but his white feet with tabis on, as mine are) and that he didn't want me to walk on the edge, on the rugged stones of the road, and that's why he left...

It has left me with an absolutely unforgettable impression because it was a revelation of the play of forces — of what things TRULY are in spite of their appearances, which are deceptive.

(silence)

His head was a splendor. And it dominated everything, that was what did the directing — it was the splendor of his supramental conception that directed everything. And everyone had his place.

I had lots and lots of visions while you weren't here; but they weren't visions, of course: it was intense life, and a life that's TRUE — intense and intensely true.

And then, that sort of thing he was holding with his hand [Mother], which was watching all that, was simply the consciousness, the consciousness that works, the true consciousness; and the feet were my physical presence on the earth.

It was truly very interesting.

And I learned the exact place, the relationship of those who work. But I cannot reveal it. But what I always told you about your place and your work was perfectly true — I saw it at that moment. Perfectly true. Some things were revelations about other people — not many people; not many, but those who have a true relationship with me for the work. And very different relationships, in different worlds, on different levels and for different activities. But they aren't very numerous, and it was very precise. And then I saw that what I had seen for you was perfectly correct, and that he is HERE, you understand: to do the work, he is with you. When I told you he was in your book, it's an absolute fact.

It's a world in which things are true. True, and of a reality other than the humanly conceived reality: everything becomes just an appearance; often a false appearance, false in its division, anyway.

20. March 1965 – The New World

It seems to be a time of testing (as they say in English, in the sense of a "touchstone"), a test of equanimity — not an equanimity of the soul: a test of integral equanimity, even in the cells of the body. As if someone were saying, "Ha, you want the earth to change; ha, you want Matter to become divine; oh, you want all Falsehood to disappear — very well, let's see if you bear up." There.

Because if we rely on what Sri Aurobindo said, time is clearly very short; if the supramental forces have to effectively dominate (maybe not outwardly, but effectively) life on earth in 1967, that doesn't leave much time....

There are odd phenomena. You didn't meet this B. when he was here?... He introduced me to certain things I was unaware of: it seems there are in various corners of the world people who have received messages, and in particular a being who calls himself Truth and who speaks in my name. He says, "The Mother says... the Mother says..." and also, "The Mother will make declarations, and you will have to take them very seriously." All sorts of things like that (people whom I don't know). Then there is someone, among those same people who receive messages and revelations, a spirit (I don't know if he is that same "Truth" or someone else, I don't remember in detail), who said, who "announced 1967" — this is interesting. And I don't know those people at all. And it doesn't seem possible to me that they could have had in their hands books by Sri Aurobindo or me, I don't think. He announced that in '67 (I repeat roughly), we would have reached the point of the pushbutton that triggers the destruction (because in those countries, they boast of being able to trigger a terrible destruction by pushing a button), and just when the catastrophe is about to take place, the supreme Power, as he says in a picturesque way, will push its own button and everything will be transformed — just when people expect complete destruction, the complete transformation will come.

That's the domain in which their imagination works. They receive messages of that sort. Which means that people seem to be feeling very strongly that just before the change there will be an extremely critical moment. Only, of course, they tell you that in a quiet tone, "The transformation will come and everything will be saved" — that's all very well, but...

Ah, we shouldn't sit back and say, "Oh, then everything is fine!" (Mother laughs)

Because it doesn't seem possible to me (though I don't know), it doesn't seem possible to me that the state of the earth is adequate to justify an integral transformation. As for Sri Aurobindo, he used to say that it would come in stages, that there would first be a sort of small formation, or a small creation that will receive the Light and be transformed, and that's what will work as a leaven for the general transformation.

There are all the Christian, Buddhist theories, Shankara, all those who declare that the world is an "unreal Falsehood" and that it must disappear and give place to a "heaven" (a "new world" and a "heaven"). And this is among the most "aspiring" elements of mankind, those who aren't content with the world as it is, who don't say, "Oh, as long as I am here and alive, things are fine; afterwards, I don't care" — enjoy the short life. "Afterwards, well, it's over, and that's that; let me make the most of the moment I've been given." What a queer conception!... That's the other extreme.

And naturally, the ancient Vedas and all the old traditions announced a new earth, that's well known.

Even the Christians, yes. St. John said that there would be a new earth — that there would be, in fact, a new Christ, who corresponds to that of the Hindus.

Yes, Kalki. The description is very similar.

Yes, but it seems we should be more cautious about him. According to Alexandra David-Neel, it's not a truly authentic text, it came afterwards, after Buddha's descendants: it isn't what Buddha himself is said to have preached. There is a controversy here. Of course, Alexandra belonged to the Buddhism of the South, which is very rigid and absolutely rejects all the fancies of the Buddhism of the North with its innumerable bodhisattvas and all the stories (they've got so many stories! pulp novels). And she rejected all that, saying it wasn't part of Buddha's authentic teaching.

Buddha said that the world, this terrestrial world (maybe the universe, I don't know, the point isn't very clear), in any case the terrestrial world is the result of Desire (but I know someone who used to say [laughing], "Yes, it's God's desire to manifest!"), and that when "Desire" disappears, the world will disappear and there will be Nirvana. In other words, once the desire to manifest has disappeared, there is no Manifestation anymore.

I don't think Buddha was ignorant; I think he knew very well the existence of invisible beings, of immortal beings (what men call gods) and probably the existence of a supreme God, too — he very likely knew it. But he didn't want people to think about it because it appeared to contradict his opinion that the world was the result of Desire and that, once Desire was withdrawn, the world withdrew — if there is an immortal world, things cannot happen that way.

Basically, the further one goes, the more one realizes that all human teachings are opportunistic: they are told with an aim "in view"; one thing is told, and the other (not that it's not known) is deliberately ignored. It seems hard to me to find a different explanation, because as soon as you have passed beyond the Mind (and those people appear to have done so), all knowledge is... (what's the word?) available, obtainable.

(silence)

It's something that can be seen constantly: when you don't give people a pre-digested food, in the sense of selecting what has to be retained and rejecting the rest, they don't absorb it... or else they do their own digesting of it, which is the worst of all.

The first result is the creation of a general malaise — they feel as if the earth they're standing on isn't steady anymore: it quakes. They find it uncomfortable.

(long silence)

For me, the problem is completely different.... Up there in the Mind and above, everything is fine — everything is fine; but the big difficulty is to change the physical, to change Matter.... You get a feeling that you have touched — touched a secret, found a key — and the next minute, pfft! it no longer works, it's inadequate.

I was telling Pavitra a few days ago: all those physical disorders of the body, those disorders in the functioning or even organic disorders, suddenly (naturally, the constant state is one of aspiration: an intense, continuous, conscious aspiration) and suddenly — suddenly — an almost stupefying Response: all disorder disappears, not only inside but around (around, sometimes over a rather vast extent), and everything becomes automatically organized, harmonized, without the least effort, and it starts... (Mother draws the great waves of the eternal Movement) moving within an extraordinary progressive harmony; then, with no apparent reason, without anything having changed in the consciousness and any outer circumstances making a difference, pfft B.G. it reverts to what it was before: disorder, conflict, chaos, things that grate. And then, as you aren't conscious of the why, you don't have the key

I told him, that's why people who very much tried to find, but in vain, spoke of "God's Will"; but that... (Mother shakes her head) that seems to be irreconcilable with, as I said, the knowledge you have when you have passed beyond the Mind. The Mind can say that to itself in order to give itself peace, but it's thoroughly, thoroughly unsatisfying, because it postulates an unacceptable arbitrariness, which is felt as contrary to the Truth. But then, how do you explain those kinds of reversals?... Naturally, others, like Buddha, spoke about Ignorance; they said, "You are ignorant; you think you know, but you are ignorant." But the key he gave isn't satisfying, either.... Because when you have taken care to establish down to the cells of the body an apparently unshakable equanimity, how can you accept the ignorance factor?

Which means that the further you go, the nearer you draw to the Goal, the more... inexplicable it appears to be.

So for me (I mean for this body), the only recourse is a blissful surrender (gesture of immobile offering Upward), and not a heavy, not an inert surrender: intense, intense! And in a joy, oh, extraordinary. That's the only thing.

I don't know, maybe for others it [the ecstasy] is allowed to last, but for this body... After a while, all the problems from outside come back, that is to say, all the vibratory difficulties of the world are allowed to reach it again in order to be taken up and transformed in the Light of the Lord. And the whole problem crops up again.

You know, problems of illness, problems of possession (vital and mental possession), problems of egos that refuse to yield (and this results in circumstances which, humanly, are described in the ordinary way: such and such a thing has happened to so-and-so — but that's not how it comes into the consciousness), well, if you look at things in a sufficiently general way, those problems REMAIN problems. There is indeed something, but a "something" that is still elusive (elusive in its essence): it has to do with feeling, with sensation, with perception, also with aspiration — it has to do with all that, and it is... what we habitually call divine Love (that is, essential Love, that which is expressed by Love and seems to be beyond the Manifestation and Non-manifestation, which, naturally, becomes Love in the Manifestation). And That would be the ALL-POWERFUL expression. In other words, That is what would have the power to transform into divine consciousness and substance all the chaos we now call "world."

There was the experience of That [the experience of the great pulsations], but it was an experience... (how can I put it?) of a drop that would be an infinite, or of a second that would be an eternity. While the experience is there, there is absolute certitude; but outwardly, everything starts up again as it was one minute before — That (gesture of pulsation for a second), puff! everything is changed; then everything starts up again, with perhaps a slight change that's perceptible only to a consciousness (perceptible to the consciousness, but not concretely perceptible), and with, generally, violent reactions in the Disorder: something that revolts.

So, to our logic (which is obviously stupid, but anyway), it means that the goal is still very far away, that the world isn't ready.

You see, all of a sudden, through the intensity of the aspiration, of that sort of thirst for "the Thing," contact is made — contact is made; it isn't even a contact between two different things, it is... That which is all. But it is in Time that the Thing is expressed, and then it doesn't last, so much so that even the resulting effect doesn't seem to be able to last. Although there is something there that contradicts: the effect is lasting, but imperceptible as long as it isn't general; so immediately it's a translation into the world of Time, Space, and so on.

Whereas "That" is beyond Time and Space. When you have gone from the Creation to Non-creation (which do not follow each other, they are concomitant), if you go beyond, you encounter this "something" which, I don't know why, I call Love.... Probably because the vibration of true Love (what I call divine Love, which is at work in the world) bears the closest resemblance to That. It is something absolutely inexpressible, which belongs neither to "receiving" nor to "giving," neither to uniting nor to absorbing, nothing like all that.... It's something very particular.

(long silence)

I remember, that night I spoke of, I WAS that Pulsation, and each burst of pulsation created. Well, it was the first expression of That in the Manifestation; and it was already in action, it was already in movement. But the Vibration BEHIND that is... I might say the potentiality of everything — of everything that becomes perceptible to us through the Manifestation; because it is everything that in our consciousness gets divided into various possibilities, like truth, love, life, power, etc. (but all that is nothing, of course, it's dust in comparison). And it's everything together; not the union of different things: it's EVERYTHING — everything, and it is absolutely ONE, but everything is there. And That is what one finds beyond the Manifestation and the Non-manifestation — the Manifestation almost looks like child's play in comparison. That Pulsation was the origin of the Manifestation.

And Non-manifestation is blissful Immobility — it's more than that, but it's essentially that: blissful Immobility. It's the supreme and supremely divine essence of rest. And both [Manifestation and Non-manifestation] are together, and they come from That.

I have a very strong feeling that it's only That, only with That that things can change, all the rest is inadequate.

And if I remember right, Sri Aurobindo said that this manifestation (which he too calls Love) would take place AFTER the supramental manifestation, didn't he?

First Truth, then Love.

Then Love.

Yes, he said there were different "levels" in the Supramental — but that (smiling) is the sauce that makes things more easily digestible (!) Everyone says things in the way he finds the easiest to assimilate.

But the experience — the experience — is always beyond words, always.

(silence)

And it's rather strange: all these cells have in their aspiration an Ananda of Light, of Truth, but that doesn't satisfy them completely, that is, they still have a sensation of helplessness.... Of course, it's all the Darkness, all the Falsehood, all the Disorder, all the Disharmony of the world that you constantly absorb every time you breathe (not to speak of all that you absorb with food, and all the rest — the worst of all — that you absorb mentally through contact with others, mentally and vitally). And all that has to be changed, transformed, constantly. Well, the cells feel their helplessness to face the work if That, that Vibration, isn't there. They find that Vibration irresistible, they find it's the only irresistible one.

Naturally, there is a progress (a work that can be noted, discerned) in the consciousness of the cells, in their receptivity and their resistance to Disorder; but it's just a progress, meaning that the possibility, and even the recurrence of disorder, decomposition, disharmony, wrong functioning, none of that is conquered at all, not at all.... There is a growing feeling of being the docile instrument of the supreme Will, to such a point that the cells feel that whatever they may be asked to do they can do, but there is at the same time the very clear perception that the field of what is asked of them is still very limited — very limited — and that they would be unable to do better or more. And that's what gives weight to the notion of wear and tear, of aging — not that they feel like that, but in material fact, what is asked of them is very limited.

(silence)

On the 19th I had a very clear experience: I was with A., who was in a dreadful — dreadful — state of agitation, revolt, confusion... everything one can imagine. And for certainly nearly three quarters of an hour, he kept throwing it all on me violently. I was there — I didn't notice it! I was laughing, speaking, acting, moving around, and the body felt perfectly fine. I came back to my room here, P. and V. were here and they had heard (he was shouting like a madman), they had heard the whole thing; they were full of a sort of horrified pity because of what that boy had inflicted on me — and INSTANTLY the cells felt the fatigue, the terrible tension... which they had NOT FELT all the while, not for a minute! When I got up to leave A., everything was charming, it was fun; and instantly when I entered this room, there was a fatigue and tension COMING FROM THEIR CONSCIOUSNESS! So then, I looked carefully (as an experience it was interesting, naturally), and I said to myself, "Strange how it can influence the cells TO THIS EXTENT." Of course, I started drawing the consciousness within, and it went away. But it went away because I worked for it to, while before I hadn't worked not to be tired: it was spontaneous.

It gave me an interesting measure of the interdependence.

The body follows the action very well and does all that it has to do, but when around it there are consciousnesses that feel or think otherwise, that still has a considerable action; although the consciousness isn't affected: it's perfectly lucid, it sees the whole play all the time, and it is conscious of the forces that come and of the whole play. So how is it that, the consciousness being conscious of the forces that come, those forces still have the power to act on the cells directly?... That's a problem.

It means a cellular interdependence that makes the program very, very, VERY difficult.

It interested me. Absolutely no fatigue and that sort of feeling of living in the universal, eternal Rhythm, like that (great gesture in waves), and amused all the time, I am all the time amused; and instantly: tension, fatigue, a need to rest, to concentrate.

And visibly — visibly for the consciousness — the vibrations came from the others [P., V.].

So an all-powerful vibration is needed to go vrrm! (gesture of flattening all around), and then to annul everything in its action.

But as Sri Aurobindo wrote, if that came (Mother laughs), maybe it would destroy too many things!

Because those were vibrations of goodwill, there was no hostility, nothing, absolutely nothing — the hostility was before, with A.! The revolt and so on. And it had no effect WHATSOEVER.

After that, I said to myself, "How little we know! How limited all our understanding is in comparison with what IS: the mechanism."

24. March 1965 – The vibrations of the world; Mother’s toothache

There is a rather curious development. For some time now, but more and more precisely, when I hear something, when someone reads something to me or I listen to some music or am told of some event, immediately something vibrates: the origin of the activity or the level on which it's taking place or the origin of the inspiration is automatically translated as a vibration in one of the centers. And then, depending on the quality of the vibration, it's something constructive or negative; and when at some point it makes contact, however slightly, with a domain of Truth, there is... (how can I explain?) like the spark of a vibration of Ananda. And the thought is absolutely silent, still, nothing — nothing (Mother opens her hands Upward in a gesture of complete offering). But this perception is growing increasingly precise. And that's how I know: I know the source of the inspiration, where the action is located and the quality of the thing.

What precision! Oh, an infinitesimal precision, in the details.

For instance, the first time I felt this in a clear way was when I heard Sunil's music on The Hour of God; that was the first time, and at the time I didn't know it was something completely organized, a sort of organization of experience. But now, after all these months, it has become classified, and it gives me an absolutely certain indication, which doesn't correspond to any active thought or any active will — I am simply an infinitely sensitive instrument for receiving vibrations. That's how I know where things come from. There is no thought.

And the other day, when Nolini read me his article, it was neutral (vague gesture to a medium height), neutral all the time, and then, suddenly, a spark of Ananda; that's what made me appreciate it. And when you read me just now that text by Y., when she expressed her experience of the sunrise, there was a little beam of light (gesture to the throat level), so I knew. A pleasant beam of light — not Ananda, but a pleasant light here (same gesture), so I knew there was something there, that she had touched something.

And there are degrees in quality, you know, it's almost infinite.

It's the means given me to appreciate the position of things.

And completely, completely outside thought. The thought comes AFTER. For instance, for this dream, when you asked me the question, I said, "Logically, since the vibration is here (indicates below the feet), it must be a memory." And with a kind of certainty because... because the perception is perfectly impersonal.

It's an extraordinarily sensitive mechanism, and with an almost infinite field of receptivity (gesture of gradation).

My means of knowing people now is also like that. But for a long time now, when I see a photograph, for instance, it hasn't been going through thought at all; there are neither deductions nor intuitions: the photograph causes a vibration somewhere. And funny things happen, too; the other day, they gave me the photograph of a person, so I have a very clear perception: from the place that is touched, from the vibration that responds, I know that this man is used to handling ideas and that he has the self-assurance of someone who teaches. I ask (just to see), "What does this man do?" They tell me, "He is a businessman." I said, "Well, he isn't made to be a businessman, he doesn't know the first thing about business!" And three minutes after, they tell me, "Oh, excuse me, I am sorry, I made a mistake, he is a teacher"! (Mother laughs) That's how it is.

And it's constant, constant.

It is the appreciation of the world, of the vibrations of the world.

That's why I asked you just now to give me your hands — why? Precisely to see the vibration. Well, I felt what in English they call a sort of dullness, and I said to myself: something is wrong.

And no thought, nothing: simply vibrations.

Oh, no, the body never helps. Now I am convinced of it. You can, to some extent, help your body (not to a great extent, but up to a point, anyway), you can help your body, but the body doesn't help you. Its vibration is at ground level, always.

But with this sadhana I am doing, there are some threads that lead you along, and I have some sentences by Sri Aurobindo.... For the other Sadhanas, I was used to it: all that he said was clear, it showed the way, you didn't have to look for it. But here, he didn't do it; he only said or made certain remarks now and then, and those remarks are helpful to me. (There is also my meeting him at night, but I don't want to count too much on that, because... you grow too anxious for the contact, and that spoils everything.) There are in that way several remarks that have remained with me and are, yes, like leading threads. For instance, "Endure... endure."

Let us assume you have a pain somewhere; the instinct (the instinct of the body, of the cells) is to tense up and try to reject — which is the worst thing to do: it invariably increases the pain. So the first thing that must be taught to the body is to stay still — not to have any reactions. Above all no tensing up, and not even a movement of rejection — a perfect stillness. That's corporeal equanimity.

A perfect stillness.

After perfect stillness, there is the movement of inner aspiration (I am always referring to the aspiration of the cells — I am using words to describe something wordless, but there is no other way to express oneself), the surrender, that is to say, the SPONTANEOUS AND TOTAL acceptance of the supreme Will (which is unknown to us). Does the total Will want things to go this way or that way, that is, towards the disintegration of certain elements or towards...? And then again, there are endless nuances: there is the passage from one height to another (I am speaking of cellular realizations, of course, don't forget that), I mean that you have a certain inner equilibrium, an equilibrium of movement, of life, and it's understood that in order to go from one movement to a higher movement, there is almost always a descent, then a new ascent — there is a transition. So does the shock received impel you to go down in order to climb up again, or does it impel you do go down in order to abandon old movements? Because there are cellular ways of being that have to disappear in order to give way to others; there are others that climb down in order to climb up again with a higher harmony and organization. This is the second point. And you should wait and see WITHOUT POSTULATING IN ADVANCE what has to be. There is especially, of course, the desire: the desire to be comfortable, the desire to be in peace and all that — that must cease absolutely and disappear. You must be absolutely without any reaction, like this (gesture of immobile offering Upward, palms open). And then, when you are like that ("you," meaning the cells), after a while the perception comes of the category the movement belongs to, and you just have to follow the perception, whether it is that something must disappear and be replaced by something else (which one doesn't know yet), or whether it is that something must be transformed.

And so forth. And it's like that all the time.

Let me give you an example to make it a little clearer: I constantly have what's conventionally called a "toothache" (it doesn't correspond to anything in reality, but anyway people call it "having a toothache"). I had difficulty eating, a congestion, and so on. The attitude: you endure — you endure to the point when you don't even notice that things are going wrong. You endure, but you are aware (and besides, the external signs are there: a swelling of the gums, etc.). There was a period (it's been in that state for a long time, but anyway), a period that began with a first swelling, in December — control, work, etc., all the necessary inner precautions. Then one observes the movement; "one" wants to know where it leads, what it is (it's a long story, quite uninteresting — interesting only because it is instructive). And two nights ago, the situation was apparently the same as usual, the same thing, when suddenly there was a will to stay awake, not to sleep, and then I had the clear perception of a congestion and that it was becoming necessary to take out those things (bits of tooth that were moving — they were moving now more, now less, but it began in December), to take them out in order to let the congestion out. Previously, too, bits of tooth had moved, and one day they had come out by themselves, without difficulty — when the time had come for them to go, they had gone; so I remembered that: why not wait for that moment? That was the attitude for a long time. And then the cells were curiously shrinking back from a very close contact with something [a dentist] that wasn't in complete harmony with the directing force of the body. This is how, in common language, it was translated: T. (who is very nice, no question of that) doesn't know either the habits or the reactions or the type of vibration or what's necessary — she doesn't know anything. So how to make contact? Two nights ago, this came to me clearly: this is what you must tell her (and the exact words of the letter to be written), and you MUST send for her tomorrow morning. Then everything fell quiet, it was over, I went on with my night as usual, as every night. The next morning, I wrote what had been decided and she came; and, well, when she came she knew what she had to know and she did exactly what had to be done. She even said, "I will do only what you tell me to do."

And I will add a detail (not a very pleasant one, but it gives the measure of the truth): there were two bits of tooth she had to extract; first she extracted one, and it was just about normal, then she pulled the second one out, and there was a sort of hemorrhage: a huge quantity of blood had accumulated, thick and black — the blood of a dangerous congestion. But I had felt it (there was a pain in the brain, a pain in the ear, a pain...), and I thought, "That's not good, I should take care." The body was conscious that something was amiss. And quite an unusual hemorrhage. I even remarked to T., "It's good it came out." She said, "Oh, yes!"

All this to tell you that the thought is absolutely still, everything takes place directly: questions of vibrations. Well, that's the only way to know what has to be done. If it goes through the mind — especially through that physical thought, which is absolutely idiotic, absolutely — you can't know; as long as that works, you are always driven to do what you shouldn't do, particularly to have the wrong reaction: the reaction that helps the forces of disorder and darkness instead of contradicting them. And I am not talking about anxiety because it's a long, a very long time since my body stopped having any anxiety — a long time, years — but anxiety is like swallowing a cup of poison.

This is what is called physical yoga.

To get over all that. And the only way to do it is for all, every one of the cells, every second, to be (gesture of immobile offering Upward) in an adoration, an aspiration — an adoration, an aspiration, an adoration, an aspiration.... And nothing else. Then, after a time, there is joy, too, and then it ends with blissful trust. When that trust is established, everything will be fine. But... it's much easier said than done. Only, for the moment, I am convinced that it is the only way, there is no other.

27. March 1965 – Food

It doesn't really have an action on the consciousness, I am absolutely certain of that. Meat can give the body a feeling of great solidity, but in my opinion, solidity is most important, most important — I don't believe in a spirituality that "etherealizes," that's the old falsehood of the past.

No, the body's heaviness... You must not only conceive but understand and accept that the purpose of this heaviness is to repair the body's internal damage, and the body must in fact change this heaviness into a sort of constant tranquillity so that order is restored everywhere.

I don't believe that the impression of being "light" is a good impression. Because both the so-called lightness and the so-called heaviness have ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the yoga and the Transformation. All those are human sensations. The truth is quite different from and quite independent of those things. The truth, of course, is the cells' conscious aspiration to the Supreme; it is the only thing that can actually transform the body; and it is very, very independent of the domain of sensations.

On the contrary, it's good for the nerves to calm down, and I think that when the nerves strengthen, their first movement is to calm down, and that gives the impression of a heaviness, almost the impression of a tamas, but it's a sort of quiet stability, which is necessary. There. That's how I see it.

Basically, in order to cure the misdeeds of that physical mind, it's not bad to become... we could say in jest, vegetarian in the sense of becoming a plant — the peaceful life of a plant, like that (gesture, stretched out in the sun).

Yes, there is a kind of vegetative immobility which is excellent for overcoming the agitation — the frantic agitation — of that physical mind.... Oh, look, it's the sensation of a waterlily floating on water: those large leaves spreading out like that — a very quiet, still water, and a waterlily.

The waterlily is the white flower opening up to the light, above those large, floating leaves.... Oh, how good it is to be carried.

When the nerves have really calmed down because one has eaten well, one can go into a blissful contemplation — don't be occupied with anything, above all don't try to think: like this (gesture of floating, offered), invoking the Lord and his Harmony — a luminous harmony — and then lying like that at least half an hour, three quarters of an hour after the meal. It's very good, it's excellent. Don't fall asleep: blissful — nothing, being nothing. Nothing but a blissful tranquillity. That's the best remedy.

I think that's easier after eating well!

Try to be a waterlily.... A waterlily, that's pretty!

Even watching animals is very pretty — they know far better than men how to rest.

We could make a slogan: if you want to keep well, be a waterlily! (Mother laughs)... I see the picture of a pond in the sun.

In reality, I deserve some credit for asking people to eat well.... You know that I had difficulties: for two days, it was nearly impossible for me to eat — and I am so glad! But I always scold myself: it's a weakness — a moral weakness. I am in a very good position to say so, because I have the same difficulty as you with those questions of food, and that's very bad. It's not out of personal taste for food that I am preaching (!), but in order to react against the other tendency. Every time something comes and prevents me from eating, immediately, spontaneously, the body says, "Oh, thank you, Lord, I don't have to eat!" I catch myself and give myself a slap.