October 1971

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02. October 1971 – Message

May the Force of Sri Aurobindo and Mother be with you.

06. October 1971 – Lord, what You want is my Joy

I am fully open to anything the Lord wants — anything, even the most difficult of things. I am fully open like this (Mother opens the palms of her hands upward): what You want, Lord, what You want — that’s my joy. That’s all.

It’s my LIFE. It’s the essence of the life in me, in the body. It is like this: what You want — with a joy, a joy that is… unadulterated.

13. October 1971 – What is the Divine?

For instance, I say “the Divine” — what is the Divine? I don’t know — and yet I can’t say that I don’t know. And even saying that is false — that’s not it. Everything is NOT IT. It isn’t it.

Even material life is like that. Take eating, for example, depending on a certain attitude (is it an attitude? I don’t know, because the consciousness is the same), the SAME food can be either absolutely detestable and impossible to swallow, or quite good… The material circumstances themselves, the SAME circumstances can have very negative and serious consequences, or totally positive ones, depending on… What does it depend on? That’s the point. Because the consciousness is apparently the same, you simply don’t know what causes the change… In other words, the whole material life is… unreal. You were talking of fighting, but fighting what? Everything is a mirage. We don’t know what it is, we don’t know WHAT there really is. What does it depend on?

There is something to discover.

Sometimes the body is seized by an unbearable pain, so painful it wants to scream — and a minute later, everything is perfectly fine. And the physical conditions are the SAME, the consciousness is the SAME… What does it depend on?…

16. October 1971 – State of Receptive Surrender

The body is in a state in which it sees that everything depends only on… how it is tuned in to the Divine — on its state of receptive surrender. I had the experience again a few days ago (I told you the last time, but I had it again in a very precise way): the same thing that causes much more than a discomfort — a suffering, an almost unbearable condition — disappears immediately with just a change into a blissful state. I had the experience several times. And for me it is only a question of a certain sincerity having to do with intensity in the realization that everything is the work of the Divine and His action is moving towards the swiftest realization possible, given the present conditions. Something like that.

I could say the cells of the body have to learn to seek their support ONLY in the Divine, until they are able to feel that they are the expression of the Divine.

It is actually the experience I am having now. The experience (as I told you) of changing the consequences of things — I am having it. But it’s not mentalized, so I can’t put it into words. But the cells really have to become capable of feeling, first, that they are entirely controlled by the Divine (which is expressed by “What You want, what You want,” that state), and then a sort of receptive… (what shall I say?) it’s not immobile, it’s… Probably you would say a PASSIVE receptivity (Mother opens her hands in a smile). But I don’t know how to explain it.

All words are false, but you could say: “You alone exist.” You know, what the cells feel: “You alone exist.” Like that. But all that becomes hard — words harden the experience. It’s a kind of plasticity or suppleness, very trusting): what You want, what You want…

16. October 1971 – Physical Disorder

We could say that the cure for all physical disorders lies in the cells becoming convinced — conscious and convinced — that they are an expression of the Divine, or even that they are divine in their essence.

Just last night, I stayed for hours… (nowadays I sleep very, very, very little, I spend hours in a kind of state that is not sleep and not activity, it’s something rather new), and in that state the body became conscious that it was nothing, that it knew nothing, that it could do nothing, that it… a kind of almost total nullity. It had that for hours. And then slowly that feeling changed… it changed into a… something like a sensation (it’s not an ordinary sensation, but it’s something similar to a sensation); the “nothing” — the nothingness, the total nullity — began to feel that it existed only THROUGH the Divine; and then gradually, FOR the Divine, and… a kind of peace settled in… (Mother closes her eyes with a smile… then she opens her eyes wide), an all-powerful peace.

And everything that was painful disappeared.

Peace…

Only, the body [Mother’s body] has an advantage in life: it was built and conceived in such a way that it does not desire pleasant sensations. It does not desire (what shall I say?), yes, the sensation of pleasure, pleasant things, it is quite indifferent to them — and spontaneously. It took no effort to overcome its desires, it never cared about them. It only protested against pain, but that is disappearing totally.

Now, I think the bodily ego is in the process of disappearing. Then it will be perfect.

It’s really quite spontaneous — spontaneous and sincere: You, You, You… What You want, what You want… what You want.

16. October 1971 – Occultism

Only he (Théon) did teach me occultism very well. At the time I was really very skilled!… (Laughing) I too did a number of miracles! But I didn’t attach any value or importance to them.

That could be useful…. But Théon couldn’t even protect her! — She lost an eye in one of those experiences (I don’t remember now).

16. October 1971 – Experience of the Inner God

You know, the “Cosmic” had a very interesting effect in my life. I was completely against “God.” The European notion of God was quite repulsive to me. But at the same time naturally, that prevented me from having any experience. And with the “cosmic teaching” of the inner god (that was Théon’s idea, the inner god — Mother touches her chest — the one that is inside each of us), brff! (gesture as if walls were crumbling). The experience was fantastic. I am very grateful to him. That’s how it happened; I found it by following his instructions and searching within, behind the solar plexus. I found it, I had an experience… an absolutely convincing experience.

Only people will stumble upon some vital force and mistake it for the soul, so… You have to be VERY sincere, that is the absolute condition. You have to be VERY sincere, VERY sincere — not only must you not deceive others, but you must not deceive yourself. You have to be VERY sincere. And then you find it. You find it, it’s an absolutely concrete experience.

I had the experience before coming here. Before I came, before knowing Sri Aurobindo, I had the experience. So three-quarter of the work was already done, you could say… I didn’t have mental knowledge (the mental knowledge was nothing to talk about), but it’s not necessary for the experience. If you’re sincere, you have the experience without thinking, you don’t NEED to think. But you have to be sincere.

And now that’s what my body has, it’s having those same experiences. But words are…

In a certain attitude (but it’s difficult to explain or define), in a certain attitude, everything becomes divine. Everything. And what is marvelous then is that when you have the experience that everything becomes divine, everything that is contrary quite simply disappears (fast or slow, right away or little by little, depending on circumstances).

That’s really marvelous. That is to say, becoming conscious that everything is divine is the best way to make everything divine — you understand — to eliminate all opposition.

23. October 1971 – True Divine Action

It depends on the case. There’s a slight difference… There are cases when nothing comes — nothing, everything is stopped. So there you have to wait until it runs its course. There are cases where you are NATURALLY led to do one thing or another, which seems totally indifferent but is part of the Action (I don’t know how to say it). I have experienced both. It depends on the case. There are cases where nothing is needed. There are cases where it’s simply as though you put the Divine ON the thing (Mother makes a gesture of aiming a beam). You know, you’re like… not an intermediary, I don’t know… it’s like a power of concentration on something; then the Divine Force flows through and is focused (same gesture of aiming a beam), but you yourself do nothing — yet the thing is done. Sometimes, if there is a word to be said, then the word comes to you; or if there is something to be done (it may seem like a very small, indifferent thing), you just have to do it quietly — you are LED to do it.

No, there is a moment when it becomes clear. It all depends on… All personal preferences and desires must disappear.

Then, in that case, it becomes very clear. There are times when you’re sort of COMPELLED to do something. There are times when… nothing — you feel the Force passing and having an effect, but you yourself (I mean, the body), the body doesn’t move. It becomes very perceptible. And I’ve had proof that that’s right, because I’ve had examples: at times, when I’ve remained still like that, without saying anything, simply letting the Force be focused on someone or something through the body (same gesture of aiming a beam), it does it, it acts miraculously like that. And the body has done nothing, hasn’t moved, just let it pass through and be focused on a particular spot (same gesture). It’s automatically focused. Because it’s in our consciousness that the world is divided like this (gesture of little pieces), and there’s one person, another person, one thing, another thing — it’s our consciousness which is like that; so “one” uses that [the individuality] as a channel for the Force to go exactly where it is supposed to go. The action is not a personal action: it’s an Action of the Force using the personal consciousness as a pipe — you understand?

But that’s progressive, you see; you can go on working at it all the time, all the time, all the time… It’s my constant occupation: eliminating all preferences. But the positive means is (we always come back to the same thing): “What You want, what You want… What You want, what You want…” And when you’re completely still and free from any trepidation (what I call “passive receptivity,” that is, there isn’t any activity, and yet: what You want, what You want…), then—then only — That works. And you really have the feeling (I don’t know how to say it), really that you’re used only as a channel so the Thing — the Force or the Action — can go exactly where it is supposed to go. That’s what our consciousness is used for (gesture of a pipe).

27. October 1971 – Experience of the Physical Being

What I found with yesterday’s experience — what the experience demonstrated to me — is that the physical being, which thought it was exclusively turned to the Divine, is turned in a… (what shall I say?) an almost superficial way. That is to say, it is still capable of feeling certain occurrences as “catastrophic.” I was made to live all the possible things that could still happen to me, to the body, if things went wrong and precisely if men were driven by the adverse force. And I could see to what a degree (there were the most dreadful possibilities, you know), I saw to what a degree the body is not… (imperturbable, immobile gesture). For several hours it was truly, oh, completely upset, ill with the horror of those possibilities. And then it was able to offer all that to the Divine and say, really say consciously: “Your Will.”

But there was that kind of incapacity we have to know truly the Divine Will — especially concerning the future, tomorrow, what’s going to happen right at this minute — it was dreadful. How we know nothing, how utterly ignorant we are!

Yes, that’s something I feel very strongly too. I feel very strongly how much we don’t know — we don’t know!

It was yesterday afternoon between one and two o’clock, I think. But it was dreadful, you know, it was worse than hell — simply to see… just how little we know.

And it was a very complete experience, because it wasn’t the experience of a person but of all humanity: I saw absolutely concretely that all men who THOUGHT they knew they had Experience [of the Divine], well, it was… (wavering gesture, just above the head), it was halfway, so to say. Whenever we rise a little higher than the ordinary consciousness, we at once think we have touched the Divine.

And that experience yesterday did not culminate in any knowledge; it culminated in… (Mother opens her hands in a gesture of surrender).

So individual existence — what we call “existence” — seems such an abominable, such a horrible thing!…

And at the same time, a very distinct perception that this is not ONE single existence in a material body: it’s the personal, individual existence throughout all time that goes on like this (infinite gesture ahead). So the solution was (gesture of open hands): to give oneself without any ambition to know, to unite without having the illusion of feeling union. Like that. A total surrender.

You see, death is not a solution! NOT AT ALL. There is no solution except… except if… what? (Mother touches her body, indicating material transformation). Perhaps when we’re ready — if we’re ready.

It’s… it was unbelievably horrible.

I came out of it. But I came out of it like this (gesture of open hands).

An effort — a little more sincere effort — and a little more sincere realization: what You want.

30. October 1971 – The Why of Creation

I have a sort of impression of knowing the why of the creation.

It was to realize the phenomenon of a consciousness which would have at once an individual consciousness — the individual consciousness we have naturally — and a consciousness of the whole, a consciousness (how to put it?)… it could be called global. But both consciousnesses merge into something… which we have yet to find.

A consciousness at once individual and total. And all the work is to merge the two consciousnesses in a consciousness which is both at once. That is the next realization.

For us it takes time (what is translated for us as time), as if it were something “being done,” or which is “to be done.” But that is the illusion we’re still in. Because we have not… we have not yet crossed over to the other side.

But the individual consciousness is not at all a falsehood, it has to be associated with the consciousness of the whole so as to make another kind of consciousness which at the moment we still don’t have. Not that it will cancel out the other, you understand? There has to be an adjustment, a different aspect, I don’t know… so that the two can manifest simultaneously.

For example, right now I am having a whole series of experiences concerning the latent power of creation of the individual consciousness, I mean the capacity we have of knowing things — knowing or wanting them, as we say—in the individual consciousness before they take place. We say “I want this,” but that’s merely an intermediary device, it’s actually the consciousness on the way to something and having at once the vision of what is to be and the capacity to realize it.

That’s the next stage. Afterwards….

So, for us, meaning for the individual consciousness, that is translated by time, the time it takes to… I don’t know how to say it.

This is the way I feel: no longer this, not yet that; and there’s no need to leave one to be the other — the two must combine and give birth to something new.

I have a very strong feeling I have caught the true thing, as if I held (Mother clenches her fist) the tail of the true thing. And it explains everything — absolutely everything. And it cancels nothing.

No. No, no! If you knew how marvelous it is! Absolutely all the problems have been solved all at once. Only, I can’t talk about it.

Don’t worry.

It’s a hundred times more marvelous than we can possibly imagine.

The question is to know if this [the body] will be able to follow… To follow, it not only has to last, but it has to acquire a new strength and a new life. That I don’t know. In any case, it doesn’t matter — the consciousness is clear, and the consciousness is not subject to this (Mother points to her body). If it can be used, so much the better, if not… There are still things to be found.

Oh, many things to be found! The old routine is over.

It’s over.

We need to find the plasticity of matter — so that matter can progress forever. That’s it.

How much time will it take? I don’t know. How many experiences will it take? I don’t know. But now the direction is clear. The direction is clear.