November 1966

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03. November 1966 – Afterlife, Soul, and Psychic Being

You understand, they are all in a terrible confusion: for them, the soul is just anything. Do they want to prove the existence of the soul, which is eternal, immortal, or the existence of an afterlife? The two things are different. Afterlife has been scientifically proved by cases: there have been quite a few cases of people who in their present life carried on with their previous life. There was the story of that father who died, and the child of a neighboring family gave extraordinary details, things that the dead father alone knew. He alone knew them, and as soon as the child was able to move independently, that is, at the age of five or six, he started trying to lead his former life again; he would say, "My children are waiting for me in that house, I must go and look after them"! He was a child, yet he said, "My children are waiting for me over there." And that house was where he had died. There were quite precise details that the dead father alone knew: he would say, "But I put that here, why did it go?" All kinds of things like that. This is a fairly recent case. There have been at least four or five recorded cases, therefore there is an afterlife. But what is it that lives after? Of course, in the case of that child, it's not the soul, it has nothing to do with the soul: it's beings of the Vital (the mentalized vital) that remained intact and, because of some special circumstance, reincarnated immediately. So their previous life was still "quite fresh." The case of that child seems to me scientifically indisputable because they can't say, "He is mad," or "It's a hallucination" — he is a child and he speaks of "his children." There have been other cases as convincing as this one (I don't remember them). But is this what they want to know? Or do they want to know whether there is a soul and whether it is immortal and... In reality, they don't know anything. It's a question put by ignorant people. They should be told in the first place, "Excuse me! Before asking questions, you should study the problem."

There was the story of Ford, who had sent word to Sri Aurobindo and me that he was coming here to ask us the question that tormented him: "What happens after death?" And he said he was ready to give his fortune to whoever could answer him. Someone had told him, "Yes, Sri Aurobindo can answer you." So Ford had sent word that he was preparing to come and ask us his question. And then he died!

No, those are questions asked by ignorant people. They should first learn the matter and know what they're talking about.

There is the soul. There is the soul, which is quite simply an emanation of... we can call it the supreme Consciousness, supreme Reality, supreme Truth, anything, whatever they like, it's all the same to me — any words they like. But anyway, the soul is an emanation of That, a direct emanation. In the body, That becomes clothed in the psychic being. The psychic being is a being which is progressively formed throughout all the existences. So are you talking about the soul, are you talking about the psychic being (which is first an embryo and eventually becomes a conscious, perfectly independent being), or are you simply talking of the life of an individual consciousness after death? Because that's yet another thing. There are proofs of that; but in that case, it's a quite vital consciousness of an inferior order, and it may happen to immediately come back into another body through some combination of circumstances (it was into the same family that the father had come back), and to come back with the memory. Otherwise, according to the experiences of those who have studied the question, it's only the psychic being in the process of being formed that retains the memory of its former existences. But it retains the memory of the material, purely physical existence ONLY FOR THOSE MOMENTS WHEN IT PARTICIPATED. So, instead of all those stories that are told (and are made up), you only have memories like that (Mother draws a series of "points" in space with her fingertips), which may be more or less detailed, more or less complete, but which are only fragmentary memories of the MOMENT when the psychic physically manifested. Lots of people do have this sort of memory, but they don't know what it is. Most of the time they regard it as "dreams" or "imaginings." Those who know (that is to say, who are conscious of what goes on in their physical consciousness) can see that it's memories.

The number of memories of this kind I've had is almost incalculable. But it doesn't have the same character as the memories of the higher consciousness (then it's not a "memory": it's a sort of vision the higher beings have of life; but that's something else). The memories I speak of are memories of the psychic being, they have a different character: a rather personal character, I mean there is the sense of a PERSON remembering something. While the others, the visions from above, are memories of an "acting consciousness." But the memories of the psychic being aren't mentalized, that is, if for instance at the time of the recollection you weren't paying attention to the way you were dressed or the surroundings, you don't remember them. You only remember what took place and especially what took place from the point of view of the consciousness and the feelings and the inner movements.

It's generally fragments — fragments of life — that were individualized, and when in the present life you follow a normal development with the [various beings] gathering around the central consciousness, all those elements come back to gather together. They come back, each with its own memories. For instance, I had a memory like that (I tell you, I've had hundreds of them) when I was very young (I must have been twenty or so). It wasn't at night, but I was lying down, resting: suddenly I felt myself riding a horse, with tremendous warlike power and the sense... a will for victory and the POWER of victory. And I felt as if I was riding a horse: I saw a white horse, I saw my legs, with riding breeches, you understand, and a red velvet costume. And there I was, at a gallop. I couldn't tell what the head was like or anything, naturally! And also, the crowd, the armies, and the rising sun. It was so strong, the sense that... it was the sense of the will for victory and the POWER of victory. It came just like that. Then, sometime later, I read somewhere the story of Murat (I forget... I think his victory was Magenta... I no longer remember all that), and I immediately understood that my vision was at the moment of launching the battle: he had an inner call to a Power, so there was an identification [with Mother's power], and that's what I remembered and what came back. If I said (as the Theosophists tell you), "I was Murat," it would be stupid. But it was a consciousness coming back. It was so strong! The impression lasted long enough, with the sense of the battle but above all the sense of that POWER making you invincible. It was interesting, because at the time (it was just in the beginning, I was beginning to take interest in these things and I had just come across the "Cosmic" teaching), I was convinced that a woman's psychic being was always reincarnated in a woman and a man's psychic being was always reincarnated in a man (many schools teach that; Théon too believed so, he insisted on it). So it came as a surprise, because it wasn't in conformity with what I thought (!). Afterwards (long afterwards), I realized that naturally all those dogmas were nonsense, but...

It fits with what I told you last time: the STATES OF CONSCIOUSNESS are what reincarnate, evolving, developing, growing more perfect. That's rather how it was, that's how that memory came. It's like that with many memories. And I know that to say "states of consciousness are what reincarnate," to adopt that as the "sole" explanation would be incorrect — it's absolutely incorrect — but it's one way of looking at the question beyond the sense of the little personality. It broadens the consciousness: one has in oneself things far more universal and far less limited than personal experiences. Just as in life some people have an exceptional life, in the same way they also have exceptional moments in their life, when they no longer are one single little person: they are a force in action. That's how it is.

Ultimately, this question (I read the question, it has been published somewhere and it was read to me) is a question asked by ignorant people. They ask you something, but they are ignorant. They should begin by studying the subject in the first place and learn something about it, then they would be able to understand the proof we can give them. Otherwise they won't understand it.

09. November 1966 – Disgusted with life is the beginning

Because all those who begin by being disgusted with life, their first movement is to get away — all of them. I receive truckloads of letters: as soon as they are disgusted with life, as soon as it stops being something marvelous, "Oh, enough! I want to get away, I want to get away." That's indeed the first movement: you climb up above, but it will be to come back down and change things HERE — it's not to abolish them, but to change them.

Buddha represented the height of abolition. He led to abolition and represented the height of abolition. Very well, but... That's when the summit was reached, when the summit was seen. But we must come back down.

They don't understand, they are still up above, all of them.

Going back to the Divine, yes, that's Nirvana.

Only, as soon as you are there and in contact with the Divine, he tells you, "Go down! Don't stay here, it's not your place!"

But, you know, I am desperately struggling against all those who conceive of spiritual life as... brrt! you go off. That's just the beginning. As for me, I always answer with the story of Buddha: as he was about to enter Nirvana, he suddenly realized that the earth had to be changed... and stayed on.

I remember, once, it was with Madame David-Neel. It's very interesting. She came to give a lecture (I wasn't acquainted with her, that's where I met her for the first time), I think it was at the Theosophical Society (I forget). I went to the lecture, and while she was speaking, I saw Buddha — I saw him clearly: not above her head, a little to the side. He was present. So after the lecture, I was introduced to her (I didn't know the kind of woman she was!), and I said to her, "Oh, Madam, during your speech I saw Buddha present." She answered me (in a furious tone), "Impossible! Buddha is in Nirvana!" (Mother laughs) Oho!... "Better keep quiet!" I thought.

But he really was there, whatever she thought!

That's what it is: going away.

In reality, it's a threefold movement: the creation, which was the "flight from the Divine" (according, of course, to the ordinary conception which says that the creation "fell," it "wandered away" from the Divine and men "wandered away" from the Divine); that was the first movement. But that's because he sees it too closely; he doesn't see that the Divine plunged to the very bottom of the Inconscient. (And that's the question: Why did He plunge to the very bottom of the Inconscient?... That's to be "investigated" [Mother laughs], one doesn't yet know how to explain it: everyone explains it differently.) He plunged to the very bottom (as for me, I think I know why, but that will be for later). He plunged to the very bottom of the Inconscient: beneath the stone (Mother makes a gesture of immutability, at the very bottom), beneath the mineral; the mineral is already a first awakening of the consciousness.... But you have to see it as a whole to understand that it's an ascent. If you see human life as it is, the impression is that men become lost in the "fall," but that's the result of the Mind; the Mind needed to go through the whole experience, to go down to the very bottom in order to understand everything and bring everything back towards the ascent. For plants, it's really an ascent. Thus, according to this vision, there are three movements. But if you see the whole simultaneously, there are only two movements: the first movement is the descent of the Lord into the Inconscient (we can't say anything about that for the moment; once we have emerged from it, we'll be able to say); the second (the first we can conceive of) is, very, very slowly, through all possible experiences, even the most complete mental denials of the Divine, the ascent towards the Divine. And then, once we have climbed up... (Mother makes a gesture of descent), "Come, come here: change this prison into the mansion of the Divine."

That will be very good, a very good "message" for 4.5.67.

Four is manifestation. Five is power. Six is creation, and seven is realization. Four figures in a wonderful sequence. Here is realization (you want realization?), here it is: the prison turned into the Divine's mansion. People say, "The earth is hopeless, it's done for...." See! It will be fine.

Message for 4.05.1967:

"Earth-life is the self-chosen habitation of a great Divinity and his aeonic will is to change it from a blind prison into his splendid mansion and high heaven-reaching temple."

Sri Aurobindo

15. November 1966 – The Truth and descending Power

Listen, just this morning I received a note asking me, "Why doesn't the Truth act?" I am going to read you my answer.... It's always the same (it's the continuation of a whole exchange of letters):

"...It is obvious that the solution lies in the Truth."

So why the delay?

"Because the Truth is supremely destructive of Falsehood and ill will; were It to act at once on the world as it is, little of it would remain.... It is patiently preparing its advent."

It's true, I feel this: the resistance is so TOTAL that were "That" to go like this (gesture of descent on the earth), nothing would be left!

But for those who are on the right side, of course it's actively with them.

There is very strongly — very strongly — the sensation of a Power... the sensation that the descending Power is so awesome in comparison with... Oh, in comparison how small, flimsy, without force, without generosity, without breadth everything seems! You know, I see a considerable number of people: now and then something like a very thin ray or a drop of That falls, and the person who's there starts trembling! Without knowing why, he starts trembling. So?...

And it happens constantly.

Only the children don't. They are so innocent. There's this little Asha who comes every morning. (She is the one who decided, I wasn't supposed to say no! She said, "I am coming.") She comes every morning. In the beginning she used to do a "pranam," but a serious one: she would remain there, rolling her head on my feet! But now she has found something else: she comes, doesn't say a word to anyone, looks at the people in the room, and when she sees everybody very busy, she slips under my table, catches hold of my hand, and then begins to play with it — kissing it, turning it, pulling it. Then when she has finished this side, she comes to the other side! And with such lovely joy and trust, so lovely, so trusting: "Oh, how amusing this is!"

That's nice.

Children are like that.

Others, when they come in, instantly start howling. They come in and can't stand it: they can't, they refuse, it's a sort of rage that comes into them (they are very few).

But they are very spontaneous. Those who are here come and cling tight to my knees, they turn and roll and don't want to leave again!

It called to mind certain experiences of long ago (right at the beginning, at least two years before coming here for the first time). I didn't know Sri Aurobindo, but I knew the "Cosmic" and was studying, working earnestly at occultism (I didn't yet know Théon, either). I was deep in my own experiences. That was in Paris. I used to go about by bus or by the metro, and there were people (it didn't happen just once but quite a few times), for instance a woman with her child: the child would abruptly leave his mother (three- or four-year-old children, very young, just beginning to run) and come to me. It happened several times. As for me, I was simply in my meditation, unaware of anything or anyone. All of a sudden a child would tear himself away from his mother and come, poff! and cling to me like that, clutching my knees. Then the mother would beg my pardon, thinking (Mother laughs) it was quite ill-mannered! But I would say, "No, that's quite all right!"

I remember, it happened several times. And my impression was that when I was tranquil, something (which wasn't human at all) was there, quietly acting through me (I wasn't even occupied with it) and doing it. That was my very clear impression. I even did some experiments at that time. For instance, once, in a bus, there was a man who was tense and weeping; you could see he was utterly wretched. Then without stirring, unnoticed, I saw that "Force" going out towards that man, and little by little, his face relaxed, everything calmed down, he grew quiet. This also happened several times. And that's how I knew... Because at the time I wasn't very well informed yet; I always felt the Power up above, but didn't know what it was — there was a "Force" that would come like that and act quietly. It's the same thing now, but fully conscious. It's the same thing: something that takes hold of the body. The body participates (meaning that it doesn't at all feel it's "acting," it almost doesn't feel itself), it's only aware of a... oh, so warm, so sweet a vibration, and at the same time so terribly powerful! It comes like that, and the body doesn't need to want or try or anything: it doesn't think, doesn't strive, doesn't stir (Mother makes a gesture of bathing wholly in the Lord): it's spontaneous and natural.

Sometimes, when it's tired or something isn't quite all right or... (that always comes from a contact with outside; afterwards I see, I know what the cause was, but while it's happening there is simply a discomfort or a disorganization), then, oh, it's exactly like a child's trusting abandon in... something... which is everywhere, around it, inside it, there, like this (enveloping gesture). And the body's aspiration is just, "May That alone exist." All the rest... oof! it's nothing at all, a nuisance. "May That alone exist.... If That alone existed, what a marvelous world this would be!"

That's how it feels. All the rest is either a bother or deeply ridiculous. Oh, often it's so ridiculous! At any rate, so flimsy, so dry, like a bad performance. And what becomes quite comical, truly amusing and comical is... (Mother puffs up her cheeks) when the ego swells up! Oh, then...! The egos that assert themselves, that come and tell you, "I want this, I don't want that, I have decided that..." Oh, that's the big fun! And they don't in the least see that they are puppets.

Not last night but the night before, I again spent the whole night with Sri Aurobindo, at least four hours in that subtle physical world. He has quite a beautiful abode there! It's magnificent — magnificent. And it's not fluid: it's very concrete, yet at the same time not fixed! It has a suppleness that adapts to all necessities. It's really interesting.

But it's still a phase of preparation and adaptation: it's not final. It's not final: there are experiments, trials. It's extremely supple, it's in a phase of formation, as though it were preparing for a manifestation, or rather, "learning" to be what it must be. It's very interesting.

19. November 1966 – The guilty must be punished...

It's true tenderness: that of the Divine. People don't know, they always think of something very human. But it's not human... (Mother closes her eyes and remains standing in concentration) It's extremely luminous, rose-colored, slightly golden... always smiling.... It's a very particular sensation. (After a long silence) Everything is like a beautiful pink rose — a beautiful rose. It's better than that, much better... (how can I put it?). No difficulties can exist — they don't exist [when one is in that Tenderness]. It's the side of life ("of life," I mean of the manifestation) which is all beauty, smile, peace and light — spontaneously, effortlessly, with an impossibility for anything else to exist. It's very particular. And it's very high up, very high up.... Yet, now and then I see a drop of it here. The first time I saw it... (Mother wobbles on her feet). I must sit down because I'm going away!

(Mother sits down and resumes) It can only be realized in a world devoid of egoism. Which means that when the whole action of individualization is over and there is no more need for the element of egoism, then it will be possible for "that" to be fully manifested.

We could call it the "sweetness of Love," but the word "sweet" is a little wishy-washy. It's much better than sweet. It's something without difficulties: no difficulties happen, it doesn't know difficulties, it ignores them entirely — there are no difficulties, they don't exist. So, when it manifests, there are no difficulties. Then, naturally, it can't stay here because... because there are still difficulties!

Anyway...

Soon afterwards:

Has one of the new pieces of Ashram gossip reached you two?... I am supposed to have said that Maheshwari has manifested in a golden light, that Sri Aurobindo has come (where from, I don't know!) and said that the world wasn't ready and that was why there are catastrophes and cyclones — haven't you heard the story? Anyway, I denied it. First, I said, "Where could Sri Aurobindo come from? He is always here, so he doesn't need to come!"

The story is unimportant, except that some people were distraught: they were expecting the end of the world! Sri Aurobindo saying "the world isn't ready" means it's coming to an end!

Anyway, yesterday (I think it's in answer to this story of Maheshwari and Sri Aurobindo saying the world isn't ready), I wrote something in French, but it was under the pressure of Sri Aurobindo's consciousness. He said (Mother takes a note and reads):

"According to the law of men, the guilty must be punished. But there is a more imperative law than the human law: it is the law of the Divine, the law of compassion and mercy. It is thanks to this law that the world can last and progress...

The vision was so clear. It was such a clear vision.... If you follow this law of the guilty who must be punished, then little by little, with the unfolding of things, everything should be punished! (Mother laughs) Nothing would remain! So Sri Aurobindo said:

"It is thanks to this law that the world can last and progress towards Truth and Love."

The guilty must be punished!... It's always the same idea; men always have that idea: the guilty must be punished — but where does that lead to??

(silence)

I also wrote another thing. I told you that on the day of Kali puja she came and was displeased. So I wrote (Mother takes another note and reads):

"They know what should not be done

They know what should be done

They know how to do it

They know everything!...

Yet, of all factors, mental arrogance is the most unfavorable to the action of the divine Grace."

This notation, you know, was purely and simply a question of vibration; it was the vibration of mental arrogance (which is perceptible, clear, absolutely clear). It came and took up the whole space... (Mother makes a gesture of puffing up), it took up a lot of space!... It took up the whole space, and then, this very tranquil, very calm Action, so... noiseless, without ado, unassuming; it goes like this (gesture of imperturbable descent), with perfect simplicity — and it was absolutely blocked, it couldn't get through! So I wrote this note.

"They know what should not be done

They know what should be done

They know everything!..."

It was the result of Kali. And it was a very strong experience (a material one, here; not far away: here). Something has been clarified since it was said. There was a sort of absolute need to say it. And something has been clarified.

I should also say that ever since financial affairs started being none too bright, all manner of things have been reaching my ears.... There are big difficulties. I am obliged to tell people that I can't pay and they shouldn't spend needlessly, and on the other hand, I am looking, trying to find where the obstacle is.... Because the power to attract money remains as it has always been (and it's considerable), so there should be no difficulties. So I wrote this note because I see clearly in people's thought, they all keep saying, "Oh, we should do this, oh, we shouldn't do that, oh, if Mother did this, oh, if Mother didn't do that...." Some are bold enough to say it, others aren't but think that way — there are very few who don't think that way. And still fewer say to themselves, "I'd better not be concerned with it because I don't understand the first thing about it." So I was as if compelled to take the pen and write that down: "They know what should be done, they know..." (Mother makes a gesture of hammering the disciples' heads). And it has done a lot of good.

It's very interesting. I must learn to receive things accurately. I don't objectify them, of course (meaning that I don't put them on another screen where they would become objective knowledge), I don't do that at all, so I can't play the prophet — otherwise, what a prophet I'd be!... From the smallest things to the biggest: cyclones, earthquakes, revolutions, all that, and then very small things, very small, even much smaller than a "pension," a tiny little circumstance of life, or something that's going to come, like a gift someone has sent me or... very small things, very small, totally unimportant in appearance — everything is shown with the same value! There is no "big," no "small," no "important," no "unimportant." And it's constantly like that!

Yesterday, lots and lots of things kept coming in that way while I was walking in the afternoon. Then I stayed quiet, still, for five or ten minutes after the walk as usual, and more kept coming and coming. So I said to the Lord, "Can't I have five minutes of peace and quiet with You!" (Mother laughs) If you knew this atmosphere, this light of laughter, and such a wonderful laughter — so wonderfully... merciful, in fact, and understanding and tender, oh!... So I said to myself, "Really, what an imbecile I am!"

It's becoming a really interesting life.

And the habit of constantly complaining about difficulties, oh, how futile, useless all that seemed — a waste of time. We waste our time protesting against what mustn't be — we just shouldn't think about it! We shouldn't be conscious of it, that's all! It should be outside the consciousness; when we are able to have a purely luminous consciousness, this perfectly harmonious, luminous, benevolent consciousness... free, ultimately, from all that we drag along from a difficult past.

That's it: the power to free oneself from the past, not to drag that behind forever — to surge into the light... and stay there.

23. November 1966 – Savitri B10C4: The Debate with Death

After reading an excerpt from the debate with Death:

If God there is he cares not for the world;

All things he sees with calm indifferent gaze,

He has doomed all hearts to sorrow and desire,

He has bound all life with his implacable laws;

He answers not the ignorant voice of prayer.

Eternal while the ages toil beneath,

Unmoved, untouched by aught that he has made,

He sees as minute details mid the stars

The animals's agony and the fate of man:

Immeasurably wise, he exceeds thy thought;

His solitary joy needs not thy love.

(X.IV.646)

Yes, but we need his joy.

All this was said to me this morning. Absolutely the same thing (with different words, but the very same thing), and not "said": lived, as if I were shown the thing so as to feel it. And I said, "Why? Why this test? What's the use?" It was my body that said, "What's the use?" Then it stopped.

I said, "Why? What does it all mean?" I didn't contradict, didn't argue, just this "What's the use?" (Mother gestures as if to sweep away a speck of dust)

You know, what the consciousness of this body is made to live is a sort of intensive discipline, at a gallop — every minute counts.

But it copes well, I can't deny it.

We'll see how it stands the shock (that's quite the point!).

So this other Gentleman Death would say, "See! See there, the kind of pity people have for you!" But I answer, "I don't need pity.... (laughing) That's not what I want: I want the victory."

It's interesting.

Oh, if you knew what a crowd there is!... And at the last minute, people come and tell me, "I've just arrived, I want to see you." Very well, I say, "All right." We'll extend the day! (Mother laughs)

Ah, good-bye, my children, stay very quietly at home. Very quietly. It's enough if there is one who "toils"! I'd really like it to be that way, I regret it's necessary for some to be ill, why?... Oh, I know why, but... It's a pity.

It's the Grace learning its lesson. It learns that It isn't yet as It should be.... You understand, there are always two ways of looking at things; we can say, "The world isn't ready" and look at it with a smile (it's a... what can we call it?... We could call it a selfish way), and the other way, which is to say, "I am not capable yet. If I were really capable, all this [illnesses, catastrophes, etc.] wouldn't be necessary, everything would be done in a harmonious rhythm."

We could very well say, "The Divine is learning his lesson." (Laughing) He has everything to learn! When He knows it well, the world will be as it should be, that's all.

Why not? We could just as well say that: the one is as true as the other.

26. Nov 1966 – On Gentleman "Death", food & keeping quiet

I didn't feel like it (eating). Yet these soups are about the only thing I take.... But you understand, I don't do any exercise, the whole day long I stay without moving, so I really shouldn't overeat!

I don't know.... Because attacks multiply tremendously, and today, for instance, I found only one solution, which was to stay lying down: while it was going on, not to eat anything, not to say anything, not to move. Then it's all right. As soon as I stop moving, eating, acting, it's all right.

It's been a long time since these attacks last came. I told you several times that I was able to resist the attack, but this time, this morning, it was formidable. Formidable. It was exactly like this Gentleman Death trying to uproot everything. So I resisted and resisted, then suddenly... it could no longer walk, I had to lie down and stay still. And also not eat — I didn't feel like eating. I can eat only when everything is fine.

As soon as there is stillness and contemplation, it's fine.

(silence)

No, there is an insistence (the same insistence as this Gentleman's, at any rate) on the impossibility of the thing, and it gives such obvious proof.... Naturally, the inside doesn't budge, it smiles — it doesn't budge — but the body... that gives it terrible tension. Because it's very conscious of its infirmity (it can't boast of being transformed), very conscious that it's millions of miles away from transformation. So... so it doesn't take much to convince it. What's more difficult is to give it the certitude that things will be different. It doesn't even understand very well how they can be different. Then there come all other beliefs, all other so-called revelations, the heavens and so on. The whole of Christianity and Islam have very easily solved the problem: "Oh, no, things here will never be fine, but over there they can be perfect." That goes without saying. Then there is the whole of Nirvanism and Buddhism: "The world is an error that must disappear." So it all comes in waves, and the body feels very... you understand, it would like to have a certitude of its possibility. That doesn't often happen to it. But the attack was too strong; it was from everything and everywhere at the same time, so strong: "This Matter CANNOT be transformed." So it fought and fought and fought, and suddenly it was obliged to lie down. But as soon as it lies down and abandons itself completely, there is Peace, and such a strong Peace — so strong, so powerful. Then it's fine.

It came with hosts of suggestions (they aren't suggestions: they are formations), adverse formations of disorganization; like, for instance the one C. [one of Mother's attendants, who has just fallen ill] received. I was warned two days beforehand and tried my best: I couldn't — I couldn't, he gave way. So now it's dragging on and on (the doctor himself says there's no reason for it to last so long), it's dragging on because he gave way. So all that must be slowly won back. And it comes to everyone, to every circumstance — not to me, never to me because it has no effect on me: if the suggestion comes, I say, "So what! I don't care." So it doesn't try, it's useless. But it comes to everyone, to disorganize everything and everyone, one after another. This morning, it was everybody at the same time, a complete disorganization of everything. I resisted and resisted and resisted, then suddenly something... (Mother makes a gesture). So the body said, "All right."

If I stay still, it's over. I skipped a meal. The doctor is unhappy, but (laughing) it makes ME happy! Meals are work (a lot of work).

It's the first time this year it has happened to me. Previously, it used to happen fairly often, but it's the first time this year. It shows that, all the same, things are improving.... Oh, but it was terrible, people can't imagine what it is! It takes hold of everyone and everybody, every circumstance and everything, and it gives shape to disintegration — quite like this Gentleman (I think he's the one!), quite like him. But it doesn't have the poetic form [of Savitri], of course, it's not a poet: it has all the meanness of life. And it insists on that a great deal. These last few days it insisted on it a great deal. I said to myself, "See, all that is written and said is always in a realm of beauty and harmony and greatness, and, anyway, the problem is put with dignity; but as soon as it becomes quite practical and material, it's so petty, so mean, so narrow, so ugly!..." That's the proof. When you get out of it, it's all right, you can face all problems, but when you come down here, it's so ugly, so petty, so miserable.... We are such slaves to our needs, oh!... For one hour, two hours, you hold on, and after... And it's true, physical life is ugly — not everywhere, but anyway... I always think of plants and flowers: that's really lovely, it's free from that; but human life is so sordid, with such crude and imperious needs — it's so sordid.... It's only when you begin to live in a slightly superior vision that you become free from that; in all the Scriptures, very few people accept the sordidness of life. And of course, that's what this Gentleman insists on. I said, "Very well." This body's answer is very simple: "We certainly aren't anxious that life should continue as it is." It doesn't find it very pretty. But we conceive of a life — a life as objective as our material life — which wouldn't have all these sordid needs, which would be more harmonious and spontaneous. That's what we want. But he says it's impossible — we have been "told" it's not only possible but certain. So there's the battle.

Then comes the great argument: "Yes, yes, one day it will be, but when?... For the time being you are still swamped in all this and you plainly see it can't change. It will go on and on. In millennia, yes, it will be." That's the ultimate argument. He no longer denies the possibility, he says, "All right, because you have caught hold of something, you're hoping to realize it now, but that's childishness."

So the body itself says, "But of course, I certainly accept that, I perfectly understand! That's not what I want; I don't want this thing or that: I simply want what the Lord wants, nothing else — what He has decided will be. When He says it's over, it will be over; if He says it is to go on, it will go on." But then, as this Gentleman can't have his way like this, it comes from every side: this or that individual, this or that thing, that circumstance, all of it, all of it is going to be disorganized. Then I start working [to thwart the attack].

Today it was really very clever — very clever. He is very clever.

He is a big joker.

To protect others, it's very effective, because I start working and struggling. The only argument for this body is: "You plainly see it goes on deteriorating, so what are you hoping for?... It will go on deteriorating until it stops."

But if one looks at it without prejudice, quite objectively, it's only an appearance of deterioration: it's not true. On the contrary, on certain points it's much more solid than it used to be.

The most important point is what we could call the "unreality of deterioration," in other words, everything that isn't harmonious or is disorganized increasingly gives the sense of an illusion — it's increasingly an illusion — and the sense that a certain inner movement of consciousness would be enough for that not to be.

There, the problem comes up again. Because there are various detailed experiences (in tiny details), detailed experiences of different attitudes of consciousness to find out which of them is effective. It's a whole field of study. It's microscopic, of course, but extremely interesting. And then, the answer is always the same; it's so lovely: "When you forget that you are, when there only remains the Lord, all difficulties instantly disappear." Instantly: the previous second, the difficulty was there; the next second, gone. But it's not something that can be done artificially; it's not some mental or personal will to take this attitude: it must be spontaneous. And when it's spontaneous, then all difficulties INSTANTLY disappear.

Stop existing — the Lord alone exists.

And it's the only remedy.

But how to do this?... You understand, surrender, self-giving, acceptance, all that is really being done more and more, better and better, but it's not enough — it's not enough. That's the point. Even the attempt of the consciousness to center on the Lord's existence and to try and forget, even that isn't enough. It has some effect, but a mixed one: that's not "it." But when you succeed in... ceasing to exist — the Lord alone — instantly there's a glory, that's what is marvelous!

But it's difficult. There is a very old habit that makes it be otherwise.

Yet it's the only remedy, there is no other. It's not even a surrender (the word "surrender" isn't the true one because there is still "something surrendering," and that's not it), it's not even an annihilation because nothing is annihilated.... I can't explain: only the Lord exists, nothing else. And then, what a marvel! Instantly a marvel.

And in microscopic details, you know; it's not a question of "important" or "interesting" things, nothing of the sort: it applies to a cellular action. And it's the only remedy.

When will Matter be ready for "that"? That's the question.

Inwardly it's easy, but outwardly... There is all of a sudden, especially in the brain's matter, here (gesture to the temples), that movement of descent, of the Lord taking possession, and then outwardly you feel as if you're fainting. That's why you can't remain standing and have to lie down; but when you lie down, it's almost instantaneous, everything disappears: the sense of time, of difficulty, absolutely everything — there only remains a luminous immensity, peaceful and so strong!

That's the day's lesson.

(Mother laughs) Good, we have taken one more step — a big step.