July 1968

10. July 1968 – The central will and the cells

Mother had written: "The central will of the physical being abdicates its will to hold all the cells together.... It accepts dissolution for some reason or other. One of the strongest reasons is the sense of irreparable disharmony; another is a sort of disgust at carrying on the effort of coordination and harmonization."

That disgust generally occurs when there is in some part of the being — an important part, either vital or mental — an absolute refusal to progress, and so, physically, that expresses itself as a refusal to exert oneself against the deterioration that stems from time.

(Mother goes into a long contemplation, then suddenly smiles, amused in the middle of her contemplation)

Someone (I don't know who) has just shown me.... It was a man's big hand, and there was in it... it wasn't an egg or a physical object — he told me it was the representation of a cell. It was an object that seemed to me this big (gesture: about three inches), transparent and living: it was living. And he showed me the various internal constitutions of the cell, and the correspondence with the center. A wholly precise vision, so precise that I was flabbergasted, I said, "Oh!"

It had a strange shape: not like an egg, but narrower at one end, and... I don't know how to describe. Give me a piece of paper.

(Mother starts drawing)

It didn't have a very precise outline, because it was radiant. It had internal constitutions of varying radiances (Mother draws points or various concentrations within the cell), and the center was wholly luminous. And there was a big hand, almost a paw, you know, a big hand holding this cell very carefully: he took great care to touch it as lightly as possible (Mother draws two big fingers holding the cell). It was luminous, held up with two fingers, like this.... I don't know what the scientific shape of cells is, but it was like this. And he showed me the various radiances. The periphery was the most opaque; the deeper inside, the more luminous it became; and the center was wholly luminous, it was bright, that is, radiating. Then there were different colors — not very intense, but different colors. The hand was magnified perhaps twice, because it was this big (about ten inches), while the object was this big (about three inches), and it was a cell.

The fingers were much bigger than the cell, and they touched it only with the tips, like this (gesture). Only the forefinger and thumb were visible — the tip of the thumb. But huge fingers! So it was probably magnified.

(Mother laughs) I was a bit flabbergasted!

It may be the ratio between the size of a hand and that of a cell — no, it can't be. But it was a huge hand, like this, holding a cell up to me. Big like this. He showed the connection. There were colors: some spots were slightly bluish, others... There were all kinds of things — it was very complex — with varying radiations. And the connection was from light to light.

But it's the correspondence between the two. It was to show me how the central will of the physical being was connected to or acted on the cells. He showed me a cell which was like the representation...

It gave the impression that each cell was a miniature world corresponding to the whole.


My whole life long, I complained that my visions weren't more material than vital visions: they started from the vital and went up higher and higher, but below the vital, there was nothing. And now, it's a continual vision of the subtle physical — constant, I see both together: the physical and the subtle physical. Only, the physical, purely physical vision is much disturbed by the other vision. You understand, it's more a CONSCIOUSNESS of things than purely and merely a vision. And I've noticed, when I have someone in front of me, for instance, with some, when I look at them they grow more and more precise and clear; others become more and more blurred TO MY PHYSICAL VISION. It must depend on their state of consciousness. Some grow extremely precise, especially the eyes, and in their eyes I see the consciousness — the eyes are perfectly visible. Others, on the contrary, become blurred like that; with some, even, in place of their eyes I've seen two black plates. As if they wanted to put a veil. It's very interesting.

Oh, physically I see clearly enough to do everything, but I can't read. Even my vision of pictures is a little... I don't know if it's deteriorated or transformed: what I see isn't the picture as it is exactly, but maybe as it wanted to be. A slight difference.

20. July 1968 – Personal and impersonal

I'm not making any difference, mind you, I don't say, "There's Mother and then there's the Supreme," but I wonder if practically it wouldn't be better if it were "You" rather than "That."

No! No, when people ask me, I tell them straight, "No." Because in spite of everything, even if one understands, one is influenced by the fact of a personal form, a personal appearance, a defined personality — that's worthless. There are those who prefer to go to the Supreme through the idea of "the Mother," that is to say, of the realizing Force. As for me... naturally, for me it has no meaning. But I see very clearly, I know that if people call me, it never goes here (Mother points to herself), it always goes straight towards the Supreme; even what goes through the active consciousness goes straight to the Supreme. But for them, sometimes it's easier. So I let them do it, but... Because it doesn't matter; this person [Mother] has become quite... what could we call it? It's not even an image, it may be a symbol.... But it's like people who, in order to fix their attention, need to fix a point. I see what constantly happens: instead of directly going like this (gesture towards the Supreme) and of being a little imprecise for people, it goes like this (towards Mother), it's gathered here (in Mother), and it goes there (towards the Supreme).

(Mother draws with her two arms a sort of path going towards her, rising upward, then coming down again through her towards the people. The whole path looks much like the silhouette of a single Being.)

And here [in Mother], the fact of the physical presence allows the forces to be directed more precisely. I see how the Force from above acts (gesture of a descending pressure or mass), and people get the contact through a similarity of vibration. But when it goes like this (gesture through Mother), there is the addition of that physical, material knowledge, which makes it [the action of the Force] more precise and concrete. From the point of view of help, it's... Sri Aurobindo was right: the help is more direct. It spares people a work. I see what comes, that sort of atmosphere (it's much more than an atmosphere: it's a Presence, you know, constant, He is constantly there), but then, in the consciousness here [in Mother], the action is growing more precise: it's growing more precise on an individual level, depending on the case, the need, the occasion. It's a sort of almost automatic work. I can imagine it helps people, obviously. They generally need a personal thing — by "personal" I mean with a vibration identical to theirs.

I don't know if it's because of this cold, I am not sure (I don't think so — I know very well where it comes from), the whole morning (during the night and the morning), there has been a sort of perception of all kinds of states of consciousness this body has been through, groups of circumstances, and then a perception so concrete, you know, so absolute: "Where is the person? Where, where is the individual? Where is the person? Where..." And with such a clear vision of the supreme Consciousness, which, on the other hand, is the ONLY permanent consciousness — the supreme Consciousness at play in all that, all those movements, all those actions, all those... But it was felt and lived in such a concrete way that I saw, for instance, that this body, which people think is the same body as the one born more than ninety years ago, isn't at all the same! Everything has changed: the cells have changed, everything! Everything: the state of consciousness is absolutely different. So then, where is the person? Where?... Suddenly there was, "Where, where is that personality? Where is it?..." There was only That (gesture above): Consciousness. And then, the vision of the whole, of things taking form and... (wavy gesture of a Whole diversifying into innumerable forms).

In other words, that experience one generally has in the higher mind, in the psychic, is now the body's — it's the body in its cellular constitution that has it. It had that experience this morning: That alone was permanent, That which, through innumerable changes, remains... (immutable, unshakeable gesture with the edge of the hand).

It was such a concrete experience — so concrete for the body — that it wondered how it still remained in a form?

And then, all the ordinary notions... no more meaning. No more meaning, they've become meaningless.

It began yesterday with the notion of the infinitely small and all those worlds organized like that.[^1] And the impression of a larger personality (I mean, taking up more space, if I may say so), in which men, all men were only tiny constituent elements.... That was yesterday. And today, it was the opposite, but complementary experience. And so the outcome is this vision of the All and of all things — the All which, because of our infirmity, we always see with limits.

[^1]: Mother may be alluding to her vision of a cell in a gigantic hand.

(Mother goes into a long contemplation, then suddenly smiles)

I don't know if it's a result of what I told you or what, but I've seen an immense Being who came holding a little child by the hand... and the little child was you. He came to put the child in front of me, like this (gesture at Mother's feet). Immense, immense, far taller than the house, you know: the little child was like a finger to him (Mother shows two phalanges of her little finger). He was holding the child like that, and came and put him in front of me (Mother laughs).

Maybe it's the continuation of what I told you! But it was very concrete.

Sri Aurobindo said that when you go beyond the Impersonal, you find the Personal: THE Person. I am sure he had the experience.... My own sensation is a sort of fusion — a fusion of all sense of personality into... I don't mean into an impersonality, that's not true, but it's something limitless, yet you get a sense, not personal at all in the narrow meaning of the word, but with all the concrete reality of the Person. You understand, it's the body's experience (I never had any difficulty in the other regions), the experience OF THE BODY. The body has the experience of that fusion, constantly; it constantly seems to melt, but... for it, it's nevertheless from the identical to the identical; the feeling (feeling or sensation) of "otherness," of being "other," it perceives as its own imperfection. Yet it's not at all the experience of an immoderately magnified self, absolutely nothing of that sort, but... What's wholly concrete is the All-Consciousness (the body does feel it's much more than that, it's only one aspect and is much more than that). But it's the constant, constant experience.

This idea of Personal or Impersonal has no meaning. It doesn't correspond to anything. The body has completely lost the sense of its personality, completely, and strangely — it's strange. For instance... (for the moment, everything, but everything expresses itself as phenomena of consciousness), for instance, I don't know how many times a day, there will suddenly come the awareness of a disorder, a pain or suffering somewhere — somewhere in some part, but not a part... shut in here (Mother points to her own body): like a spot in an immense body; and after a while, or a few hours later, I'll be told that someone or other has had such and such a pain, which was felt as being part of that immense body.... It has become very odd. It has considerably increased with this cold. You see, I've been seeing fewer people, doing less work, resting more — I am putting it that way out of habit, but it doesn't quite correspond to the state... When I say "I," it's as if I were putting myself in people's thought and speaking of what corresponds in it to all that; but it's not felt that way at all.

But more and more (through news people bring or things that happen), I have more and more the sense of such an awesome torrent that... Yes, I think it's like this: I think everything is changing, and changing with fantastic speed, but we don't notice it and we'll only become aware of it... afterwards. Because there are hundreds of occasions to note details, and the overall impression is rather stupendous. For instance, if the consciousness is concentrated, if for some reason it's concentrated here in the body, then everything seems as if it's bursting — boiling and bursting — to such a point that I have asked several times, "Do I have a fever?" — I don't have a fever at all! And as soon as there is stillness, inactivity, and a concentration with the consciousness, then it's something so awesome, immense, you know, and... Then there is Peace, Serenity. A peace... something inexpressible — in an awesome action. And then...

27. July 1968 – Taking medicine

The cold came down, and the day before yesterday I did something foolish: I took a medicine. It gave me a dreadful night and... now it's difficult. It cut the consciousness off. So now it's difficult.

The consciousness has come back, but...