March 1970

07. March 1970 – Dizziness of the physical Consciousness

I wanted to tell you first that Nolini had a very interesting experience. That was yesterday. He hadn’t been well for the past day or two: he had spells of dizziness, could hardly walk, anyway rather miserable. Then, suddenly (he had to go to the bathroom and had to walk, but his steps weren’t even steady), suddenly there came into him, “All this is because your physical consciousness doesn’t have trust: it doesn’t believe, doesn’t have trust.” Then, ALL AT ONCE, he felt something as if seizing him, and everything went away! He was perfectly fine, and it remained like that. He knew very well that in his physical consciousness there was doubt and all the old ideas — he swept it all aside and found himself perfectly fine. It happened in the morning; I saw him in the evening, and he was perfectly fine. That’s interesting.

But anyway, things are moving, you understand, they feel as if everything is aroused, they’re no longer asleep and half inert, and that’s…

Health too is like that. The body will feel quite fine, and suddenly, as soon as some old movement comes back, ah… things will grate and cry, oh!… But the consciousness (in the body, I mean) is growing clearer and clearer, more and more precise.

The consciousness isn’t an idea, it’s a sort of… yes, a state of consciousness, an awareness of the Divines sole existence, of the sole Reality, and when it’s there, everything becomes wonderful (physically, materially). There are moments full of an intensity of harmony… quite exceptional. But then, when things grate, mon petit, they grate horribly!

In the body (in the cells, the body consciousness), there is constantly a great battle between all the materialistic ideas and the true consciousness, and the result… (grating gesture). In the space of a quarter of an hour, everything starts grating — you have some pain, you’re ill at ease, everything seems about to be torn apart, with dreadful contradictions — and then, with the pressure of the true consciousness, suddenly pfft! everything vanishes in a minute, and it becomes… a marvel. But then, it’s not a stable thing: the struggle goes on.

14. March 1970 – Disease and New Consciousness

I remembered the time when Sri Aurobindo was here… You see, the inner part of the being used to enter into a consciousness that felt and saw things according to the higher consciousness — they were quite different; then, when Sri Aurobindo fell ill, in fact, when there were all those things, first that accident (he broke his leg)… then the body, the BODY used to say constantly, “Those are dreams, those are dreams, it’s not for us; for us bodies, this is how it is…” (gesture underground) It was frightful… Then all that left. It left completely after so many years — all those years of effort — it left: the body itself would feel the divine Presence, and its impression was that… everything necessarily had to change. So then, these last few days, that formation which had left (a terrestrial formation, of all mankind, which means that those who have the vision or perception of, or even just the aspiration to, that higher Truth, when they come back into the [material] Fact, they are in front of this dreadfully painful thing, this perpetual negation by all circumstances), that formation, from which the body had completely freed itself, came back. It came back, but… when it came back, when the body saw it, it saw it AS ONE SEES A FALSEHOOD. And I understood how much it had changed, because when it saw the formation, its impression… it looked at it with a smile and the impression: ah, an old formation now devoid of truth. It was an extraordinary experience: that thing, its time is over. Its time is over. And this Pressure of the Consciousness is a pressure for things as they were — so miserable and so petty and so obscure and so… apparently inescapable at the same time — all of it was… (Mother gestures above her shoulder) behind, like an antiquated past. So then, I really saw — saw, understood — that the work of this Consciousness (which is PITILESS, it’s not concerned whether it’s difficult or not, probably not even much concerned about apparent damage) is for the normal state to cease to be this thing which is so heavy, so obscure, so ugly — so low — and for the dawn to come… you know, something dawning on the horizon: a new Consciousness. That something truer and more luminous.

What Sri Aurobindo says here about diseases is just the point: the power of habit, of all constructions, of what appears “inescapable” and “irrevocable” in diseases. With all that, experiences seem to multiply in order to show… in order for one to learn that it’s simply a question of attitude — the attitude of going beyond… beyond this mental prison humanity has locked itself in, and of… breathing up above.

It’s the BODY’S experience. Before, those who had inner experiences would say, “Yes, up above, that’s the way it is, but here…” Now the “but here” will soon cease to be. This tremendous change is what’s being conquered, so physical life may be ruled by the higher consciousness and not by the mental world. It’s the change of authority… It’s difficult. It’s hard. It’s painful. There is some damage done, naturally, but… But truly, one can see — one can see. And that’s the REAL CHANGE, that’s what will enable the new Consciousness to express itself. And the body is learning, it’s learning its lesson — all bodies, all bodies.

14. March 1970 – Manifesting the True Consciousness

Now I see, I see how his departure and his work so… so immense, you know, and constant in this subtle physical, how much, how much it has helped! How much he has (Mother gestures as if kneading Matter)… how much he has helped prepare things, change the structure of the physical.

All the experiences others had had of making contact with the higher worlds, used to leave the physical here as it is. (How should I put it?…) From the very beginning of existence up to Sri Aurobindo’s departure, I lived in the awareness that one may rise, one may know, one may have all experiences (and one did have them), but when one came back into this body… it was those for-mid-able old laws of the mind that ruled everything. So then, all these years have been years spent preparing and preparing — freeing oneself and preparing — and these last few days, it was… ah! the body PHYSICALLY noting that things had changed.

It has to be worked out, as they say, realized in every detail, but the change IS DONE — the change is done.

Which means that the material conditions, which were elaborated by the mind, FIXED by it (Mother clenches her fist tight), and which appeared so inescapable, to such a point that those who had a living experience of the higher worlds thought one had to flee this world, abandon this material world if one really wanted to live in the Truth (that’s the cause of all those theories and beliefs), now things are no longer like that. Now things are no longer like that. The physical is CAPABLE of receiving the higher Light, the Truth, the true Consciousness, and of manifesting it.

It’s not easy, it calls for endurance and will, but a day will come when it will be quite natural. It’s only just the open door — that’s all, now we have to go on.

It has taken this Consciousness… a little more than a year to win this Victory. Naturally, as yet it’s visible only to those who have the inner vision, but… its done.

That was the work Sri Aurobindo had given me, that was it. Now I understand.

But it’s as if from every side — every side — those mental forces, mental powers were rising in protest, violent in their protest, so as to impose their old laws: “But things have always been this way!…” But it’s over. They won’t always be this way, that’s all.

We have to struggle on, we need patience, courage, will, trust — but things are no longer “just the way they are.” It’s the old thing trying to hang on tight — hideous! Hideous. But… it’s not like that anymore. It’s not like that anymore.

And all, all circumstances are as catastrophic as they can be: troubles, complications, difficulties, everything, just everything goes at it relentlessly like that, like wild beasts, but… it’s over. The body KNOWS that it’s over. It may take centuries, but it’s over. To disappear, it may take centuries, but it’s over now.

This wholly concrete and absolute realization that one could have only when going out of Matter (Mother brings a finger down), it’s sure, sure and certain that we will have it RIGHT HERE.

It’s the fourteenth month since the Consciousness came — fourteenth month: twice seven.

18. March 1970 – How to get rid of Disease and Pain

It’s very interesting because it’s an experiment it has made in every detail and at every stage… The first thing it found was not to think of the disease, not to be concerned with it. That’s the first stage. Afterwards, it found that when it was occupied with something else, the pain was greatly lessened. Later on, it had the experience that if someone comes near it, someone who knows you are in pain, it comes back! All that is very, very interesting: lots of small observations of every minute. And finally, it had this repeated and absolutely convincing proof that as soon as it concentrates on the Divine, as soon as it makes contact (because it FEELS, it has the sensation in the cells), as soon as it concentrates (without being concerned with the diseased point: it’s better not to be concerned with it), the pain totally disappears, to such a point that… At such times (those are things that cause pain, so the first effect is not to feel the pain), at times, in the beginning, the body would ask for the Intervention and there would be an effect, but there was the sense of a struggle, a resistance (something of the sort): it would take a little time. But when the body succeeded in concentrating WITHOUT DEMAND, you understand (simply giving itself), on the Divine, then it would stop thinking about the pain, the body itself stops thinking about the pain, and after a certain time, it realizes it’s completely vanished! — It stopped thinking about it and it was gone.

That experience has been repeated HUNDREDS of times, for all kinds of different things.

It’s not quite that, but somewhat: all the cells seem to be attuned — attuned to something higher than they, even in space, but which they feel as being their center. But a center… not like this (Mother gestures onto herself) and not… (what’s the word?) localized; it’s… neither here [the body] nor above, nor… It’s not localized. Yet the cells’ impression is that the Force — the impelling force or will-force — emanating from “that” spreads out (gesture fanning out downward) to enter into the body And… (this is interesting) the body feels it’s more DIRECTLY in relationship with “that” and, through it, that acts on others, on those around — but it’s not “others,” it’s… The body has sometimes even had the impression that some of those things [“others,” those around] are closer to it than others… It’s very hard to explain… But it’s spontaneous. You see, the difficulty is that in order to express it, I have to start thinking it, while it’s spontaneous: it’s a sensation, not a thought.

For instance, at night when I am alone, at times there’s the impression of a disorder or an anguish somewhere [in “those around”], and then, the body’s remedy (it clearly feels it comes from outside towards it — but “outside” isn’t the word, it’s a distance… I don’t know how to explain), its sole movement of remedy is to rush into this luminous center — it’s not to “attract” something to it, it’s… to rush into that.

21. March 1970 – Intensifying Consciousness

This morning, for HOURS I had (the BODY — the body) this experience that nothing exists except the Divine. And then, the two are like this (Mother slips the fingers of her right hand through those of the left). But for hours… The discomfort about very small things is much greater than in ordinary life, and the well-being is wonderful, and the two are like this! (same gesture indicating a close fusion) One needs to be very, very, very still. It’s bearable only in an inner peace.

For the body it’s bearable only when the time has come for it to be convinced that the Divine is the only Truth; then it’s fine. Because it knows that the discomfort, however intense it may be, is sure to pass. So its at peace… That’s what I have learned… It began yesterday evening and lasted the whole morning — in fact, until you came, but it’s still there.

Yes, this Consciousness seems to be intensifying all things so as to make them more perceptible: all the circumstances of life. Fantastic affairs, fantastic!… Unbelievable. Diseases, misunderstandings, quarrels, everything but everything has become acute, so acute, as if to really force people to see them.

25. March 1970 – Auroville

For instance, the idea is that those who will live in Auroville will have no money — there is no circulation of money — but to eat, for instance, everyone has the right to eat, naturally, but… On quite a practical level, we had conceived the possibility of all types of food according to everyone’s tastes or needs (for example, vegetarian cooking, non-vegetarian cooking, diet cooking, etc.), and those who want to get food from there must do something in exchange — work, or… It’s hard to organize in practice, on a quite practical level… You see, we had planned a lot of lands around the city for large-scale agriculture for the city’s consumption. But to cultivate those lands, for the moment we need money, or else materials. So… Now I have to face the whole problem in every detail, and it’s not easy!

You see, the idea is that there will be no customs in Auroville and no taxes, and Aurovilians will have no personal property. Like that on paper, it’s very fine, but when it comes to doing it in practice…

The problem is always the same: those given the responsibility should be people with a… universal consciousness, of course, otherwise… Wherever there is a personal consciousness, it means someone incapable of governing — we can see how governments are, it’s frightful!

25. March 1970 – Body Transformation

For the body consciousness that remains conscious when the body is asleep, the world as it is is dark and muddy — always. That is, it’s always a half-darkness — you can hardly see — and mud. And that isn’t an opinion or a thought: it’s a material FACT. Consequently, this [body] consciousness is already conscious of a world… that would no longer be subject to the same laws.

The cells are quite, absolutely convinced that… (I’ll put it in the simplest way) the Lord is all-powerful, you understand? Only, what they’re not convinced of is whether He WANTS (laughing) it to be this way or that, that is to say, whether He wants the transformation to be done in an already existing body, or in stages.

But the one thing the body has conquered (almost totally I may say) is, no more desires, no more preferences (immutable gesture). It’s replaced by… “Only what You will.” Doesn’t choose, doesn’t say “This is better than that” — what You will.

28. March 1970 – How Pain disappears

But physically, the body’s whole experience now is that it only has to… to give itself unreservedly, to abandon itself totally to the divine Presence, and the pain, any pain at all, disappears.

It’s not at all that it turns into something else: it disappears. And on a physical level, it’s more important because, along with the pain, the CAUSE disappears too. Which means that the disorder that had occurred is dissolved, it no longer exists. That’s why I don’t think Sri Aurobindo is referring to physical things, because in the physical, experiences are different.

Psychological or inner things, even sensations (sensations about events, not about the body), have a fluidity, they’re quite different in character. Things of the body have a sort of… (what shall I call it?) maybe a concrete stability or fixity, I don’t know. For example, if you have a pain somewhere (say in the heart or lungs or… some pain), it corresponds to something within, something that happened, a disorder, and the pain (when you are in a tranquil state) corresponds to what we might call the “situation” of the cells, so when the pain disappears it means the cells are back in place — it doesn’t mean that the disorder is continuing but you no longer feel it, that’s not it. So it’s not the sensation you have that changes, it’s the material FACT that has changed. And that I find much more marvelous: the contact with the true Force puts things back in order.

But that’s because the cells are not used to surrendering, to giving themselves. Once the cells are conscious and give themselves, I have noticed that things can go really very fast. But it may depend on the kind of disorder; I suppose, for instance, that a broken bone may need some time to be repaired.

I once broke this little bone (Mother points to the little finger of her left hand). Sri Aurobindo was there and I told no one except him (especially no doctor). I didn’t bandage it, didn’t do anything, I just kept it straight. There was even a time when I could feel the knitting of the bone (it made a slight lump, as it always does), but that too disappeared. But it took… I don’t remember exactly (that was long ago, he was there), but I simply took care not to move my finger (it was the left hand), and it knitted together without bandage or anything, like that, relatively fast, and without leaving ANY trace. It was broken.

It was broken, but the bones hadn’t moved apart. I could feel the fracture — a month later it was over (I forget exactly how many days). And broken obviously means something very concrete!

But I don’t know if, for instance, in the body’s present state, it wouldn’t happen much faster. I don’t know. But now, it’s a thoroughly conscious and almost “methodical” work, I might say, which is inflicted on the body so that one part after another, and all the parts and all the groups of cells may learn… true life.

28. March 1970 – Presence of Ananda

But there is one thing… In what he wrote, in what he told me, Sri Aurobindo seemed to take as a sign of the transformation the constant presence of Ananda [bliss]… And that was one of the things I told him about: the being manifesting in this body, and consequently the body (because even from a very young age, the body had tried to surrender to the inner being, not to remain independent), in the body itself, there had never been either the feeling or the need, or even the intent of living in Ananda. Since it was very small, the body was built with… I might put it like this: “the will to do what had to be done” — to be what it had to be and to do it. When it was very small, the object of the surrender was not known, but the minute it knew it, for it that was very definitive… You understand, the first contact (as I said) was the divine Presence in the psychic being, and so, the minute it became a fact — a patent fact, there was no arguing, the experience was perfectly conclusive — from that minute, the body had only one idea left (not even one idea, one will), to be what THAT wanted it to be… Now, for it, it’s beyond any possible discussion: it’s like this (gesture hands open), simply attentive and anxious to do what the Divine wants it to do, and it tries more and more not to feel any difference. That’s beginning — it’s not yet there everywhere. In many parts of the body, there is only ONE thing left: there is not the Thing that wants and the thing that obeys, it’s no longer like that — only ONE Vibration. It’s beginning. But it doesn’t expect it to result in a sense of delight or Ananda or… In fact, it’s quite indifferent to that. It was born and formed quite indifferent.

I said that to Sri Aurobindo. (Laughing) He looked at me and said, “There aren’t two people like you on earth!” (Mother laughs) Because, he says, people may overcome the need to be happy (not “be happy,” that doesn’t mean anything), anyway the need of satisfaction, of Ananda, but for it to be spontaneous…! Like that, effortless.

No merit! It was quite natural.

28. March 1970 – Quotations of Sri Aurobindo

“There is nothing that can be set down as impossible in the chances of the future, and the urge in Nature always creates its own means.”

It’s interesting… That’s precisely the change of consciousness that has taken place in the body’s cells: if they are told, “Nature will find the means,” it leaves them absolutely indifferent — their impression is that it’s the Divine that DIRECTLY… kneads Matter. That’s the object of what I call the “change of power”: to substitute the divine, direct Power for the power of Nature. And the cells no longer have that… (I can’t find the word in French) that reliance at all.

It’s not quite trust, it’s “relying on.” They no longer rely on Nature to do things: they have a conviction and a faith, and even an experience (a fragmentary one) of the direct Influence of the Divine.

It’s when Nature does things that it takes time, it’s Nature that needs time.

“Whatever the way may be, you must accept it wholly and put your will into it; with a divided and wavering will you cannot hope for success in anything, neither in life nor in yoga.”

“To know the highest Truth and to be in harmony with it is the condition of right being; to express it in all that we are, experience and do is the condition of right living.”

28. March 1970 – Mother’s Experience

This morning for two or three hours, I had a curious experience (the body). Once it had the experience that each… (what could I call it? It wasn’t a person, it was like an individualized aggregate), each aggregate had its own essential way (not as it is now, as it IS or ought to be), its own way of understanding and manifesting the Supreme, the Divine, and that was what made its own individuality, its particular way of being. And all those ways put together were roughly a reproduction of the total Divine — but each way has to understand that it’s only ONE way and that all other ways are just as true as itself. But it was the body which understood that! It felt it very clearly, for several hours. ONE way… And then, it was so amusing, because (laughing) it said, “Yes, yes, as for me, I am the way that wants EVERYTHING to be harmonious!” It said that, repeated it again and again: “I am the way that wants EVERYTHING to be harmonious…” It understood, it understood that; it didn’t bother it in the least that there should be millions and billions of other ways — that was ITS way.

Everything, but everything should be harmonious — harmony, harmony, harmony. Something… (words are very, very dry, very hollow) something — a vibration it knows well, a vibration which, for it, is… the expressed combination of Love and Harmony. But “love” is small and “harmony” is small. The two together (along with something else) make up its way of being in the universe.