September 1970

05. September 1970 – Prolongation of Life

There is around an atmosphere… a mixed and complex atmosphere of those who don’t believe in the possibility of… It believes in the possibility of the prolongation of life, but not in these conditions — not this, it’s absurd, of course, absurd!

05. September 1970 – Consciousness hasn't changed

One can't last like this, it's meaningless. I clearly see that it depends on the condition, because at certain times I almost can't see anymore, while at other times I see almost clearly, and naturally... This (Mother points to her swollen left eye) is another accident, it seems it's emphysema.... There's a physical disorganization that's not tolerable. The doctors all say it's perfectly repairable.... So here's all I know — that it can recover completely. If it can recover completely, it's good. But...

The consciousness above (gesture above the head) hasn't changed, but... (Mother takes her forehead in her hands) the physical transmission isn't so good anymore. But that too, they say it can recover.

The state is like this: now there is a will, and so a progress obviously, now there is... as if a fatigue at effort.

09. September 1970 – The Body’s Mantra

My body repeats the Mantra ceaselessly.

I think it couldn’t hold out if it didn’t… Constantly, constantly.

12. September 1970 – Mother’s Body

For me, this life in the body is almost a torture, in the sense that it has no interest in itself, you understand… I had stopped enjoying it physically long ago. To such a point that people don’t understand why I suffer: I don’t look ill, except for this short breath which isn’t that serious. I have nothing that may really be called a suffering — nothing. It’s a sort of… At any rate, the least I may say is a complete lack of interest: whether I eat or not… The only thing is that I can’t rest, in fact I can’t… (Mother gestures as if withdrawing from her body) go into a… [higher consciousness]. That’s something… For SO MANY years, so many years, more than twenty years maybe, I would lie down in bed and phew! (gesture of withdrawal) I would go into the Lord. And I am now forbidden to do this — that’s probably what is the greatest suffering.

And when you ask doctors to tell you what they know, you get a feeling that it’s only a partial, superficial observation, and the true thing is lacking. So when you ask them, they say, “Ah no, that we don’t know.” So there we are, like that… You understand, I feel as if I am plunged in a world I do not know, struggling with laws I do not know… and to work out a change I do not know either — what’s the nature of this change?…

It’s not too pleasant.

When you do that in good health and in movement, in action, it’s quite fine, quite lovely; but like this, as I am here, you know, with a physical helplessness, it’s terrible!

16. September 1970 – Mother’s Dream of the Child on the Roof

She (the child) was someone like you, about your height [five foot two], your dimensions, and I said to her, “You’re so sweet, so sweet!…” She was all luminous, but her arms and legs were as if stuck to the body. And no fear — neither I nor the child were afraid.

16. September 1970 – Days of Horror

You see, I ABSOLUTELY refuse to imagine anything at all, to do what people always do — draw conclusions and say, "This is how it is." Absolutely not, I absolutely refuse to do that. So I don't know. I look, and we'll see! (Mother laughs)

At any rate, the nightmare is gone.

But the nature remembers the experience and it's still... (wobbly gesture) not too reassured.

There is also the impression that it needed — before the nature was ready to enter into this new creation, it needed to have known EVERYTHING of the old creation, completely and that was... the complement. But that really was a dreadful thing (Mother takes her forehead in her hands)... If I could... I saw myself like that, PRAYING so all that may no longer exist in the world. If I could have purged the world of it by having those days of horror, then it doesn't matter, I don't mind. Because... (Mother takes her forehead) it's... it's horrible. If the world could have been emptied of that...

Besides, that's the feeling I had, that if, by living that, I could purge the world... then it didn't matter.

We'll see... We'll see.

30. September 1970 – Is the Earth ready?

…Whereas, if one were open and simply breathing — that’s all, doing nothing else — one would breathe Consciousness, Light, Comprehension, Force, Love and all the rest. But all that is wasted on the earth, because the earth isn’t ready to take it. There.