February 1971

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10. February 1971 – Mother’s Body Conditions

It’s not coming very fast… It’s all right, the leg is almost better — almost, there’s still a tiny little something in the foot, but it’s nothing at all. But the eyesight is not too clear. It’s better — everything is improving, but very, very slowly. And willpower seems to have nothing to do with it. It’s something entirely beyond my control — what is it exactly? I don’t know.

The personal will is there, but it’s kept like this (motionless gesture in the background). It’s at peace. Well…

Suddenly I am able to straighten up (you know, I was afraid I would be bent over forever), suddenly I can straighten up. Then at another time I look at those cards to exercise my eyes; and suddenly, one morning, it’s very clear, I can see very clearly — as if to prove that the possibility is there. But the time has not come yet. So I am waiting.

21. February 1971 – Matrimandir

“Let the Matrimandir be the living symbol of Auroville’s aspiration for the Divine.”

24. February 1971 – Mother’s Body

The body has once and for all taken the attitude of not thinking of itself because… it would be deeply disgusted.

But I must say there are days when I hear very well, days when I see very clearly, days when I hear nothing, days when I see nothing. So… it’s like this (gesture of fluctuation).

It’s decentralized (I don’t know how to say it), completely decentralized. So, if I look — if I LOOKED — with the old consciousness, it would be rather… rather unpleasant, you can say, but the old consciousness: gone. It’s something… something that isn’t an individual consciousness, but it is not just a collective consciousness either: there’s “something” up there — THAT, up there — which sees, knows, decides… That, up there, is quite all right, it hasn’t moved — it hasn’t moved. But this… (Mother points to her body)

27. February 1971 – Mother’s Difficulties

The problem is food. The doctors have put restrictions on everything I eat most easily, so it’s…

Basically, I realize more and more that we live in total ignorance. We really don’t know either what should be done or how to do it.

If there were a strong and clear indication, I would certainly listen to it, but that’s not the case… For instance, the cook is used to doing things a certain way and does them that way; the doctor says to give me such and such a thing and they listen to him… But when I say, “I would like to have such and such a thing,” they give it to me grudgingly, you know, almost as if it were a concession to gluttony! So…

I live in such conventionality that it’s very difficult.

And always the idea that I am o-l-d, I am getting o-l-d, and so for them my consciousness must be half dead. They don’t have faith, what can you do!

Only don’t go repeating this. There’s no need to say anything because they all do… each one does the best he can and really tries hard — they really try hard.

But I would need someone with vision who could tell me: Now you do this.

So I have taken the attitude of saying: let it be. I make myself as passive as possible — passive to the Divine Will — and I pray for it to guide me. That’s the only way.