January 1967
11. January 1967 – Sadhana only without Ego
Yesterday, I was asked the question; I was asked whether abuse, the feeling of being abused, and what in English is called self-respect (which is somewhat akin to self-esteem), have a place in the sadhana. Naturally, they don't, that goes without saying! But I saw the movement, it was extremely clear: I saw that without ego, when the ego isn't there, there CANNOT be that sort of ruffling in the being. I went back far into the past, to the time when I could still feel it (years ago), but now it's not even something unfamiliar — it's something which is impossible. The whole being, and strangely even the physical constitution, doesn't understand what it means. It's the same thing when materially there is a knock (Mother shows a scratch on her elbow), like this for instance: it's no longer felt the way an injury is felt. It's no longer felt that way. More often than not, there's nothing at all, it goes absolutely unnoticed on the whole; but when there is something, it's only an impression — a very ... sweet, very intimate impression — of a help trying to make itself felt, of a lesson to be learned. But not the way it's done mentally where there is always a stiffening; it's not that: it's immediately a kind of offering in the being, which gives itself in order to learn. I am speaking of all the cells. It's very interesting. Of course, if we mentalize it, we have to say it's the sense or awareness of the divine Presence in all things, and that the mode — the mode of contact — comes from the state in which we are.
This is the body's experience.
And the only perception when there is some clash or other in individuals, some shock or other, is always a clear vision of the ego — the ego manifesting itself. They say, "It's the other's fault." I wouldn't say, "Oh, so-and-so was angry" or "Oh, so-and-so ..." No, it's his ego; not even his ego: THE EGO, the ego principle — the ego principle intervening again. That's very interesting, because for me the ego has become a sort of impersonal entity, while for everyone, it's the acute sense of his personality! Instead of that, it's a sort of way of being (which we may call terrestrial, or human), a sort of way of being in greater or lesser quantity here or there or there, and which gives each one the illusion of his personality. It's very interesting.
I have noticed that if I resist, things go badly. If I have a sense of fluidity, there aren't anymore clashes. It's the same thing as with this scratch (Mother shows her elbow). You see, if you stiffen up and things resist, you knock yourself. It's like people who know how to fall: they fall without breaking anything. With people who don't know how to fall, the slightest tumble and they break something. It's the same thing. We must learn to be ... perfect oneness. To correct, to straighten things out, is still to resist.
So what's going to happen [if the invasion goes on]?... It will be amusing, we'll see! (Mother laughs) Since the others aren't in the same state, maybe they'll feel vexed, but I can't help it! (Mother laughs)
We should always laugh, always. The Lord laughs. He laughs, and His laughter is so good, so good, so full of love! A laughter that envelops you in an extraordinary sweetness.
This too, men have distorted — (laughing) they've distorted everything!
14. January 1967 – Mother’s instructions for a prolonged trance
Two nights ago, I was complaining that my nights were always spent in an obscure toil in the subconscient and that, after all ... (laughing) it was "not very amusing"! That's how it was, a whim. I was saying, "I would really like to have at night the full consciousness that I have when I am awake. There is something missing and what's missing is..." And I was trying to define that "something" which was the precise expression of what the physical creation has contributed to the immense Manifestation, and which is specific to the physical consciousness as nowhere else, in no other domain. So this was the problem: If it (this "something" contributed by the physical consciousness) can't be had in sleep, it means that when we lose our body, we'll lose a degree of precision, doesn't it?
Before going to sleep I was in that frame of mind, and during the night there was a series of experiences to show all the different states of consciousness of the different states of being. When I got up in the morning, there was a very keen observation of the difference contributed by the physical. I saw how that difference could persist in the new physical state once it had shed its false side. And then, for ... I don't know, certainly two hours, there was a concrete Presence of what I call "the Supreme Lord" (but we can call it by any name, it doesn't matter: Truth, Consciousness, whatever we like — the words don't matter, it's something beyond all that). A concrete presence, there, like this (Mother clenches her two fists as if to evoke a palpable solidity), in all the cells, in the whole being. I went on doing all the absolutely trivial and tiny little things — like bathing, the usual things, eating too, speaking — and it stayed there. And it was as if telling me, "This is how it will be." A joy, a power, a blossoming — extraordinary, to such a point that I wondered how it was that this (body) didn't change.... It's because THE STATE DIDN'T LAST LONG ENOUGH. It lasted for only about two hours (give or take a little); afterwards, back came the everyday routine, everyone with their problems, etc. (Mother makes the familiar gesture of the "truckload" being dumped). But I am not accusing anything of having made the state go away: it went away because this (body) isn't yet capable of holding it, that's all. That is to say, at that moment, while it was there, there was an intimation that I had to write a note....
"Because of the necessities of the transformation, this body may enter a state of trance that will appear cataleptic....
Then I knew it was Sri Aurobindo speaking, because he started taking his ironic tone, and he said:
"Above all, no doctors! This body must be left in peace. Do not hasten, either, to announce my death (Mother laughs) and to give the government the right to intervene. Keep me carefully sheltered from all injuries that may come from outside — infection, poisoning, etc. — and have UNTIRING patience: it may last days, perhaps weeks, perhaps even longer, and you will have to wait patiently for me to come naturally out of that state once the work of transformation is accomplished."
I didn't have the time to write it down. But Sri Aurobindo himself said to me, "On Saturday, when you see Satprem."
It's interesting.
So it's something that's going to take place.
It looks like it.... Because it came when I was fully in that state, but I was conscious that this (body) needed ... it takes TIME, that's the problem. Instantaneous things are miraculous things which don't have the power of duration: they don't correspond to the STATE — the vibratory state of something lasting. And then, this intimation came, and when it came it was over, everything stopped.
But now I know what it is. And it has left a sort of certitude in the being, but a certitude so full of joy!... oh!...
...Should be made known to everyone.
To everyone.
Which means to those who are near me, who look after me, even to people like the doctors, who might take it into their heads to go and inform the government, for instance!
Because this intimation was very... imperative, it was an imperative necessity — which to me seems to prove that it will happen. "Because of the necessities of the transformation..." That was when the experience was there and I became aware of all that had to change for this body to be capable of holding the thing constantly, for it to be there all the time. So that came. And I wanted to write it down, but didn't have the time, I was already terribly late; then came very clearly from Sri Aurobindo, "On Saturday, when Satprem is there."
Yes, first to the "Trustees" [the heads of the Ashram's administration], because they are the ones who have authority here; then it will have to be translated into English and distributed. You understand, no one should take it into his head to go and tell the government — because they're so silly, they might go shouting about.
Then the government will come and say, "But you can't keep this, you have to bury it." That would be lovely! It would be a fine mess!
Nobody should say anything except, "Mother has gone into trance." That's all, quite simply. "She is in trance."
But if they are prepared for the idea beforehand, they might be more reasonable?...
18. January 1967 – State of prolonged trance
I have seen relatively clearly that that trance depended on the ratio between two aspects (the proportion between two aspects): that of the individual transformation (that is, the transformation of this body), and that of the general, collective and impersonal work.
If a certain balance is kept, that state (of prolonged trance) may be dispensed with, but then the same work which would have been done in a few weeks or a few months (I don't know) will extend over years — years and years. So it's a question of patience — patience isn't lacking. But it's not only a question of patience; it's a question of proportion: there must be a certain balance between the two, between the pressure from outside of the external work (not "external," the collective work), and the pressure on the body for its transformation. If wisdom is still there, that is, if the instrument is constantly and infallibly capable of doing exactly what is expected of it (to put it into words: the supreme Lord's precise will), then the trance would not be necessary. It would only be if there is a resistance in the execution (out of ignorance).
That's how I perceive it.
This possibility of transformation in trance was announced to the body about... yes, about sixty years ago, and periodically afterwards. And there has always been a prayer: "No, may it not be necessary: it's the method of laziness." It's the method of inertia. Now all those preferences, all that is gone. There is only an increasingly alerted, awakened consciousness, but awakened to the point of being alerted to the possibility of unconscious resistances, with the will for them to disappear. All depends on the plasticity, the receptivity.
You understand, even if this body is told, "You will have to last a hundred or two hundred years for the work to be done without trance," it says, "It's all the same to me." All it wants is to be conscious. All it wants is, "Lord, to be conscious of Your consciousness," nothing else. That's its sole, exclusive will: "To be conscious of Your consciousness," that is, to consciously become You in another mode. But it isn't in a hurry, because it has no reason to be in a hurry.
That's another possibility that came up in the past (but it's part of the vision of all the possibilities — there are all kinds of possibilities). Once, there was that vision (I had it when Sri Aurobindo was here) of the whole town engulfed by bombs, I think (I don't remember now, but it wasn't lived: it was known, like something that had already been), and the engulfing had resulted in a sort of burying very deep underground, in a grotto with a radiant atmosphere, therefore the body was preserved. Then I woke up two thousand years later. And the experience began after those two thousand years: I saw how I had learned where I was and how I had come out of that grotto, how I knew the number of years that had elapsed, and so on. All that unfolded one day and I related it to Sri Aurobindo. He said to me, "It's one of the innumerable possibilities that offers itself up in order to be manifested." He didn't attach more importance to it than that.
All kinds of things are presented as possibilities.
There are billions of elements in the body, so it's a mixture of receptivity and non-receptivity. It's still mixed. And that mixture is why the appearance remains what it is. Well then, to make everything receptive in every element is a work, you understand, a formidable work. If it had to be done in detail, it would be impossible, but through the pressure of the Force it can be done. So then, the trance would be made necessary precisely so that it's done quickly (relatively quickly). This work is BEING DONE (I am conscious of it), you understand (laughing), only it may stretch over hundreds of years! That's what Sri Aurobindo said: a state of consciousness has to be established in which the collective life of the cells can be preserved for as long as desired; that means the Lord's Will must be sufficiently active to keep the balance between all those elements for as long as necessary for all of them to change. And always, it has always been said that the most external form would be the last to change; that the whole internal, organic functioning would be changed before the external form, the appearance (it's only an appearance, of course); that the appearance would be the last to change.
It seems to me to be the legacy of primordial habits — the habits of Matter. This Matter, of course, comes from total unconsciousness, and throughout the ages and all the ways of being, it returns to total consciousness — it goes from one extreme to the other; well, it's these habits of static immobility that give this need for trance. It shouldn't be necessary. Only (how can I explain?...), logically, as things are, it depends on the balance between the body's capacity of receptivity and its external activity: it's obviously far more receptive when it is immobile, because its energies are occupied with the transformation.
There is also another thing which could change the course of events: it's that the vital is becoming more and more receptive and collaborative. This whole vital zone, which was the zone of revolt and deliberate opposition to the divine transformation, is becoming more and more collaborative, and with its collaboration (because this vital zone is the zone of movement, action, energy put to use), with its conscious collaboration, the methods of transformation may become different (it's something I have been studying these last few days). It may change the methods. But that's a whole world to be learned.
One should become more and more not only attentive but receptive, with a precision for details which would mean that at each second one would know what had to be done and how it should be done (not outwardly: inwardly). These cells should learn to have at each second the attitude necessary for everything to unfold smoothly, in rhythm with the supreme Consciousness.
To replace the need for immobility and immobile rest by the power of inner concentration and inner peace — that peace which is perfectly independent of action, which can be there, unchanging, even in the midst of the most frantic actions.
No, because the transformation is the only thing that doesn't call for the mind's intervention: the mind befuddles everything.
I clearly see what its use will be — why there has been the mind, why it exists, what its use will be — but that will come afterwards.
The mind will be transformed quite naturally, effortlessly; it's not the same as with this body. But for the moment, it can't be used. It can be used only through aspiration, like this (gesture open to the above), a constant aspiration — the constancy of aspiration and receptivity to let the forces and the light come through.
The highest part of the consciousness is clearly in favour of the trance being unnecessary. And if the lower part becomes receptive enough in time, it won't be necessary. Or it will be reduced to very little.
21. January 1967 – Lack of understanding; Auroville
... What they especially lack is the sense of a FORCE in the language.
What makes things very difficult is that, in fact, there is no one who has the experience of what I say. That's what is missing. You understand well only the things you have experienced. If you try to understand all that mentally, you can't, it's not possible; an acute way of feeling has gone.
I read this "À Propos" to A. and to Pavitra (you can't find people better disposed and more eager to understand), but all the subtlety was gone! — they didn't understand. They tried (they "understood," they were very interested), but I know, I saw their state of consciousness: there was something completely closed, because there is no equivalent in them. But what can be done?... Oh, I gave up very long ago the idea of being really understood — in a few hundred years people will understand, perhaps.
It doesn't matter.
(Then Mother shows two notes on Auroville.)
"At last a place where one will be able to think of nothing but the future."
"Auroville is doing well and growing more and more real. But its realization is not progressing in the habitual human way, and it is more visible to the inner consciousness than to the outer vision."
Soon afterwards
Something still rather indefinable is happening.
The body was in the habit of fulfilling its functions automatically, as something natural, which means that for it, the question of their importance or usefulness did not arise: it didn't have that mental vision, for instance, or vital vision of things, of what's "important" or "interesting" and what isn't. That didn't exist. But now that the cells are becoming conscious, they seem to step back (Mother makes a gesture of stepping back): they look at themselves, they begin to watch themselves act, and they very much wonder, "What's the use of all this?" And then, an aspiration: "How? How should things truly be? What's our function, our usefulness, our basis? Yes, what should be our basis and our 'standard' of life?" To express it mentally again, we could say, "How will we be when we are divine? What will be the difference? What's the divine way of being?" And there, what speaks is that whole kind of physical base which is entirely made up of thousands of small things absolutely indifferent in themselves, whose raison d'être is only as a whole, as a totality, like a support to another action, but which in themselves seem devoid of any meaning. And then, it's again the same thing: a sort of receptivity, of silent opening to let oneself be permeated, and a very subtle perception of a way of being that would be luminous, harmonious.
That way of being is still quite indefinable; but in this search there is a constant perception (which translates itself in vision) of a multicoloured light, of all the colours — all the colours not in layers but as though (stippling gesture) a combination of dots, of all the colours. Two years ago (a little more than two years, I don't remember), when I met the Tantrics, when I came into contact with them, I started seeing that light, and I thought it was the "tantric light," the tantric way of seeing the material world. But now, I see it constantly, associated with everything, and it seems to be what we might call a "perception of true Matter." All possible colours are combined without being mixed together (same stippling gesture), and combined in luminous dots. Everything is as though made up of this. And it seems to be the true mode of being — I am not yet sure, but in any case it's a far more conscious mode of being.
I see it all the time: with eyes open, eyes closed, all the time. And one has a strange perception (for the body), a strange perception of subtlety, permeability (if I may call it that), of suppleness of form, and not exactly an elimination but a considerable lessening of the rigidity of forms (the rigidity is eliminated, but not the forms: a suppleness in the forms). And for the body itself, the first few times it felt that in some part or the other, it had the impression of ... being a bit lost, with the sense of something eluding it. But if one remains very quiet and waits quietly, it's simply replaced by a sort of plasticity and fluidity that seems to be a new mode of the cells.
It would be probably what on the material level must take the place of the physical ego; that is to say, the rigidity of the form seems to have to give way to this new way of being. Of course, the first contact is always very ... surprising. But the body is getting used to it little by little. What's a little difficult is the moment of transition from one way to the other. It's done very progressively, yet at the moment of transition there are a few seconds that are ... the least we can say is "unexpected."
In that way, all habits are undone. It's the same with all the functionings: blood circulation, digestion, breathing — all the functions. And at the moment of transition, it's not that one abruptly takes the place of the other, but there is a state of fluidity between the two which is ... difficult. It's only because of that great Faith, a perfectly still, luminous, constant, immutable faith in the real existence of the supreme Lord — in the SOLE real existence of the Supreme — that everything goes on apparently as it is.
There are as if great waves of all the ordinary movements, ordinary ways of being, ordinary habits, which are pushed back and which come back again, and try to engulf and are pushed back again. And I can see that for years the body and the whole body consciousness used to rush back into the old way to seek safety, as a measure of safety, in order to elude; but now, the body has been persuaded not to do it any more and on the contrary to accept, "Well, if it's dissolution, let it be dissolution." But it accepts what will be.
Mentally, when that happens in the physical mind (it was years ago, but I had observed that), it's what gives people the feeling that they're going insane, and they get frightened (and with fear things happen), so they rush back into ordinary common sense to escape it. It's the equivalent — not the same thing, but the equivalent of what happens in the material: you feel all the usual stability is vanishing. Well, for a long time — a long time — there was that retreat into habit, and then you are quite at peace and you start all over again. But now, the cells no longer want that "Come what may, we'll see!" The great adventure.
How will we be? — How will we be? How ... You understand, it's the cells asking, "How should we be? How will we be?"
It's interesting.
25. Jan 1967 – Always with Sri Aurobindo; Feeling of a catastrophe
I so often hear Sri Aurobindo speak, and I say it in French, but I use the English word because I hear him speak.
Often the thought alone comes, but very often it's words, I hear the words; and then, while speaking in French I tend to use the English words. While I take my bath, for instance, he always speaks to me and tells me the things I have to write or say; so afterwards, when I get out of my bath, I very often have to ask for a piece of paper and a pen, and I write.
It's constantly, constantly like that.
I remember, some time ago, at night, I said to him (I see him almost every night, but for a few days I hadn't seen him, then I met him at night ... because he is always there (Mother makes a gesture enveloping her), but at night, in that subtle physical world, I see him objectively, as if I were meeting him), and I said to him, "I didn't see you for a few days," like that, in jest. Then he put on his most serious air, but with all his irony, "Oh, I am very busy these days." And... (laughing) the next day I learned they were shooting a film on Sri Aurobindo's life! So I thought he must have been busy sending them good suggestions. But it was so comical! With straight-faced seriousness, "Oh, I am very busy." (Mother laughs)
That's how "injury" came about.
You know, I have the impression, exactly an impression (it's a transcription), the impression of being on the verge of finding a key — a key or a "way" ... a procedure (I don't know how to put it: all this is popularization), but something which, if you got hold of it without being totally on the true side ... in one second you could be the cause of a horrifying catastrophe. That's why the integral preparation of the consciousness must go hand in hand with the perception of the Power. And then, there are differences so subtle that for the understanding (I am not referring to the ordinary understanding, but even for a quite spiritualized and prepared state of consciousness, which is not THE consciousness), even an insignificant, almost imperceptible, tiny little movement could bring about a catastrophe.
What catastrophe? I don't know.... Like a dissolution of the world.
So you are there (Mother makes a gesture to indicate a very narrow ridge), as if on an invisible borderline, with an extraordinary, almighty Power which, at the same time, makes you know and prevents you from knowing, with extraordinary, tiny subtleties of movement so that nothing happens too soon, that is, before everything is ready.
(long silence)
That would amount to saying that falling ill (from falling ill to dying), is the incapacity to maintain the necessary tension to go from one state to another without falling back again, without the slackening of unconsciousness. Illness is always a lapse into unconsciousness through the incapacity to sustain the movement of transformation. And death is the same thing — the same thing, somewhat more total.
28. January 1967 – Yoga of sexuality
He hasn't been in India for a long time, and he doesn't understand anything about Indians (which isn't a crime), but he's full of scorn. Because he doesn't understand, he is full of scorn. So I wrote this to him:
"One should be careful not to scorn what one does not understand, for innumerable are the marvels sealed from our narrow view.
"The Lord has unsuspected splendours which He reveals progressively to our too limited understanding."
It's a whole category of a way of thinking. Those who think they have superior intelligence and scorn what they don't understand are countless — countless. And that's the very sign of stupidity! On the other hand, there are many (they are generally regarded as "simple-minded," but for my part, I appreciate those simple-minded people, they have a warmth of soul), they admire everything they cannot understand. They have a sort of dumb admiration, which is looked upon as silly, for anything they don't understand. But they at least have goodwill. While the others on the lofty heights of their so-called intelligence, anything they don't understand is worthless. This man came here and said, "One can't work with these people, they are Indians!" (Mother laughs) And he says it quite naturally.
But it seems that this so-called Tantrism and "yoga of sexuality" is overflowing everywhere in the West.
Yes, it's dangerous. It's dangerous.
It may be the cure, they may go through, I don't know.... Because Sri Aurobindo said that if you go beyond satiation you are cured, the same as when you get rid of desire you are cured. But if you go beyond satiation you are cured, you are disgusted, you feel the same disgust.... That's possible, I don't know.
(Laughing) In the meantime, it makes a fine mess!
The other method is much quicker: abolition. (I mean not only material abolition, but abolition of the PRINCIPLE of the thing; that's what I said: when you go beyond animality, the material fact no longer has any reason to be, so it falls away.) That's so to say immediate. But if you carry on until nausea ensues, that's another method!
But maybe one day we will reach impotence. Then it will be the end. Because it's only Nature's instinct that gives power to this somewhat morbid imagination, and once Nature's instinct is exhausted or finished.... Oh, I have to say I knew some old, very old people who were full of dirty things; but that was probably because they were repressed during their entire youth.
There is something very repugnant about it, isn't there, which people overcome in order to get the "pleasure"; but at bottom there is something very repugnant about it, which, as soon as the pleasure is gone, becomes thoroughly repugnant. What I meant was that they will perhaps be cured through disgust.
Lots of sects and movements have been accused of practicing this kind of sexuality (I think it was the "moral" basis for the accusation against the Templars). It's probably the result of the Christian attitude; Christianity has spoken of "sin" and made it a sin, so there's the result. It's the reaction.
But as soon as you are capable of having the true Ananda, truly, spontaneously, it's absolutely repugnant, just like wallowing in mud.
Only, with this method there will be a good amount of wastage.
31. January 1967 – How to eat food
Regarding food:
... What's necessary above all is to eat without hurrying: to eat very peacefully. That's indispensable. But very peacefully, not just slowly: there must be inwardly a sort of very slow rhythm, as if one had all the time one needed, in total peace.
All this (gesture to the forehead) must be calm, it must live in a kind of eternity. Then one digests well. If the thought is very active, it's bad. There must be a kind of inner relaxation and the sense of a very regular, very vast rhythm.
Soon afterwards
There is such a curious thing: at times the atmosphere is grumpy, grouchy; all that comes, all that enters is like that; at other times it's smiling, pleasant, benevolent, and then all that comes (exactly the same things as before), all that comes is received pleasantly, like that: "Oh, that's good."
And I have noticed that it doesn't depend on circumstances or on people or on anything; it depends... (Mother sniffs the air) as if something had been added or taken away in the atmosphere.
It's independent of beings and it's collective, and it acts on everyone and on circumstances. Where does it come from? That has to be seen. It must be found.
It's a terrestrial state. At times it is prolonged, at other times it changes very abruptly. Does it come from interplanetary currents? I don't know. It has to be seen, to be studied.
Astrologers say it's the "opposition" between planets; at certain times planets are in opposition or conjunction and it results in certain currents. That's how they explain the trend of events. So the secret would be to make this law obey the higher Influence, the higher harmonizing law.
Then we would find the secret of many things.